All my best friends are Northern Hutus

Somali pirate: $3.3M ransom paid, 36 hostages free
The birth of an industry.

Reports: Army to probe alleged shooter's career
Allegedly.

Astronauts inspect space shuttle in case of damage
I wonder who took off their helmet first?

French hotel offers guests a night as a hamster
Mr. Gere, there's a call for you in the foyer.

New mammogram advice raises questions, concerns
ObamaCare: The Prequel

Jellyfish swarm northward in warming world
Hutu extremist group leaders arrested in Germany
Oh my God, global warming is affecting Hutus too!

H1N1, asthma can be a dire combination in children
THIS JUST IN!

Formerly conjoined twins in stable condition
Shouldn't they at least be in a hospital?

Geithner: US must not drop ball on financial fix
Especially if it means he has to pay taxes.

Sweet 'n' Short

In Asia, Obama Makes Promises of Change
...and the campaign continues.

Abortion Funding in Health Care Reform Splits Democrats
Sounds painful. Imagine what it does to babies!

Mexico plans big Gulf tourism center near Texas
They should call it 'Mexico'.

Reports: Titans owner makes crude gesture to fans
Since when is "Ticket Prices" called a crude gesture?

short 'n' sweet

Disney World takes steps to fight swine flu

Flavo-Blogz

Obama urges Congress to put off Fort Hood probe
We should go at the same pace as his health-care bill.

Ohio executions back on with 1-drug method
I hope the drug is a sledgehammer.

Judge says seals can stay in California cove
These seals eat the fish that American seals don't want to eat.

FDA finds bits of steel, rubber in Genzyme drugs
The marketing department wanted to call them "Flavo-Chunkz".

Iran sets up Internet crime unit
I sense some liberal hand chopping is close behind.

Iran artists in tug of war with government
I bet it's not about Mohammad in a piss-filled jar.

I got spackle drying!

NC man charged with kidnapping missing 5-year-old
Shouldn't he at least get some credit for finding the kid?

Mo. cops hunt for child abuse clues hidden in jars
The mo, the merrier.

Police: Mike Tyson in scuffle at LA airport
But it's only on Pay-Per-View.

Japan's emperor marks 20th anniversary on throne
He must rike cheese a rot!

Scientists: New dinosaur species found in SAfrica
It's always in the last place you look!

Women face tough choices on abortion coverage
Imagine what the baby must go through!

US adult smoking rate rises slightly

Thank you great leader!

Blog post(mortem)

Pa. man tried scaring cat with lighter, killed mom
Another file from "Shakespeare's Unused Story Ideas".

Man allegedly pushes girlfriend's car into river
ahem, alleged river.

Schools shun Kindle, saying blind can't use it
Then they should ban Driver's Ed too.

Crews search next door to Ohio home with 11 bodies
Doesn't rigor mortis make it hard to get them through the door?

1 dead in Kansas City, Mo., crane accident
Infant Mortality explained.

U.N. says hunger stunts some 200 million children
The danger of hunger stunts.

Study: Lack of health care killed 2,266 U.S. veterans last year
Fortunately, Obama's policies created or saved over 2 million.

Gov't says brown pelicans are endangered no longer
and I say they are delicious once more!

Few Americans make end-of-life wishes known
Unless "Arrgh" counts as an end-of-life wish.

Study: Kidney angioplasty brings risks, no benefit
This Just In: from the ObamaCare Health Panel.

Review: Reports on Pfizer drug studies misleading
This Just In: from the ObamaCare Health Panel.

Obama administration seeks to fix airline industry
Imagine Amtrak with wings!

So, let me get this straight...11/11/09

So, let me get this straight...Obama's health care plan will be written by a committee whose Chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress which hasn't read it, signed by a President who smokes, funded by a Treasury Chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by a Surgeon General who is obese, and financed by a country that is nearly broke. What could possibly go wrong?

My President is smarter than a thermos.

Ex-Miss California Prejean admits sex tape
To be fair, I will reserve my judgment until I view the tape 30-40 times.

Mutual of Omaha settles 'aha' suit against Winfrey
Take on me!

Obama says it's now Senate's turn on health care
Give the man credit for finally starting to understand the political process!

Navajo Code Talkers to be in NYC Veterans parade
Please don't litter, or he'll cry.

Somali pirates demand $3M for ship with 18 crew
Plus, it has a half bath and they'll help with closing costs!

FBI reassessing past look at Fort Hood suspect
How reassuring!

China sends panda expert to Taiwan to aid breeding
Why don't they just send a horny panda?

Minn. man allegedly assaults worker with backhoe
ahem, an alleged backhoe.

W.Va. man wants relief from flocks of birds
I reckon he could run, run so far away.

Accenture to Add 8,000 Staff in India
Imagine training them all to pronounce "Accenture".

EU objects to Oracle's takeover of Sun
Neo is gonna open up a can o' whoop-ass too.

Obama pressed into role as healer, inevitably
For he is, THE ONE!

Obama says he wants to visit Hiroshima in future
Healer, Time-Traveler, How do he do it!?!

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1917, 41 suffragists were arrested for picketing in front of the White House. END WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE NOW!

In 1975, the ore-hauling ship SS Edmund Fitzgerald and its crew of 29 mysteriously sank during a storm in Lake Superior with the loss of all on board. Except for Gordon Lightfoot.

Brilliant Video 1:32 seconds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4r6YCUtxfs

Hey, remember me?

Shuttle astronauts prepare for Texas homecoming
What kind of corsage goes with the spacesuit?

Ark. baby born 9-9-09 has sibling born on 8-8-08
Noah should be so proud!

Pair accused of playing porn DVD at Ark. Wal-Mart
Sometimes baby making needs a little help.

Pair accused of playing porn DVD at Ark. Wal-Mart
Wait, the Ark has a friggin' Wal-mart!?!

No play at US Open because of rain
a US Closed wouldn't have this problem.

Garrison Keillor out of hospital after stroke
I'm no expert but wouldn't being in the hospital help?

'M-A-S-H,' 'Tootsie' writer Larry Gelbart dies
...and the MASH Curse continues.

White House stiffens against illegal immigrants
The last time I heard "White House Stiffens" involved a gal named Monica.

3 guilty pleas expected in Mo. in dogfighting case
Enough with the dogfighting slang. The word is More!

Russia: Officials say 7 die in Caucasus violence
Caucasian against Caucasian violence must stop!

Obama accepts lawmaker's apology for floor remark
Did Obama apologize for calling his critics liars from the podium?