Scat-a-be-bob-doot-twee!

Neb. man gets 3 years for stealing SD fire truck
Neb. drops theft charges against auto executives
Make up your mind!

More remains found at home of missing Calif. teen
What's missing?

Intimate Ella Fitzgerald, Rediscovered
I believe the formal term is exhumed.

Iran Censured Over Nuclear Program by U.N. Watchdog
How you like that Mullah? CENSURED!

Schott's Vocab: Deletionists
Ross Douthat: Evaluations
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet

Shopping Around for the Best Medical Care Prices
You FOOLS! ObamaCare will emininate the need to shop for competitive pricing by eliminating competition, thusby creating a competitive market within a governmental agency-structure. It's so much more sensible!

German Minister Resigns Over Airstrike
Only 65 years, but better late than never, I say!

Report: Montgomery took steroids to beat Greene
The dark side of environmentalism.

Bank Of Mexico Keeps Rates On Hold At 4.5% '
Quatro y Cinco percente'? Es muy fantastico!

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1701, astronomer Anders Celsius, inventor of the Celsius temperature scale, was born in Uppsala, Sweden. In Kelvin that would be 1932 in Montgomery, Alabama.

In 1970, Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was slightly wounded at the Manila airport by a dagger-wielding Bolivian painter disguised as a priest. and thus concludes the story of how the game Clue was created.

Thanksblogging

Melting Ice Sheets Boost Sea Levels
I READ IT IN A SCIENTIST'S EMAIL!

Obama Quietly Backs Patriot Act Provisions
Golf applause is in order.

Utah man makes wrong turn, sees train approaching
Oh, his poor widows!

Deputies use backhoe to find drugs in septic tank
Hey, I'm not brack and my name is spelled Ho!


Obama to attend Denmark climate summit
"Is this where I get my medal?"

5 Questionable Health Screening Tests
The title of an ObamaCare pamphlet.

Police: Dad leaves boy and goes into strip club
...and?

Report: Women Will Suffer Brunt of Climate Change
Especially minority ones in wheelchairs!

Zhu Zhu Mania: Why Hamster Toys Are Hit Christmas Gifts
Because Cabbage Patch Dolls don't fit in Richard Gere's ass.

Climate 'czar' says hacked e-mails don't change anything
...unless the media reports it.

Google Refuses to Remove Crude Image of Michelle Obama
Oh my God, they made her look like Bush & Hitler!

Do you have Christmas in France? CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS.

Afghan Strategy Will Contain Messages to Several Audiences Be everything to everyone: A Winning Strategy!

Obama to Offer Firm Pledge on Emissions Cuts in Copenhagen
I think he will also want to cut access to scientist's emails.

Obama to Go to Copenhagen With Pledge of Emissions Cuts

I have noticed fewer speeches from him & Biden.

G.M. Says It Won't Close Plants in Germany
They'll close them here first!

Mayor Says Student Scores Will Factor Into Teacher Tenure
Maybe his job should be secured by parental involvement as well.

Ga. nurse anesthetist accused of abusing patient

ObamaCare = Waterboarding.

IAEA chief: Iran must accept nuclear proposal
Or...a tersly written rebuke is shortly forthcoming!

Iran seeks to quiet critic inside ruling system
Nothing works like a little tongue removal!

Iran clerics start taking control of schools
Iran, NEA...What's the diff?

Is the Senate Health Care Bill Better Off Dead?
I thinks it's more like "Death of a Salesman".

Mom, Dad...Obama didn't pay my rent!

France shows off cutting-edge navy ship in Russia
It has a state-of-the-art surrender flag.

Goodbye jobs, hello mom and dad, say young adults
Why don't they move in with Obama? They voted for this!

China executes 2 for role in tainted milk scandal
PETA is not going to like this. Cows are people too!

Afghan AG's office says 15 ministers being probed
Be gentle. They may still be virgins.

Teensy Chameleon Is New Species
Spontaneous evolution...Darwin was right!

Buffalo Ships USB 3.0 Hard Drive
Evolution is obviously working for bison.

Icebergs head from Antarctica for New Zealand
Maybe they're committing suicide over global warming.

Today's Highlight in History:

On Nov. 24, 1859, British naturalist Charles Darwin published "On the Origin of Species," which explained his theory of evolution by means of natural selection.
He has been quietly evolving underground since 1882.

Game Day/Kegs 'n' Eggs 2009

GIRD!

Iraqi lawmakers trying to break election deadlock
Have they considered just beheading the infidels?

AP NewsBreak: China holds, mistreats US geologist
I'm more of a mistreat, and then hold, kind of guy.

Big powers ponder how to punish Iran for nukes
Maybe Obama could apologize for us overreacting on the whole "hostage" thing. That'll show em'!

Utah teen to challenge citation for McDonald's rap
I guess nothing rhymes with Filet-O-Fish. WORD!

Geithner urges prompt action on financial overhaul
Before he has to pay taxes.

Experts say radical measures won't stop swine flu
Since when do "experts" know about effective pig sex?

Geithner Rejects Lawmaker Request He Resign
What, and pay taxes like the little people? NEVER!

Senate girds for historic debate on health bill
GIRD YOUR LOINS!

Pacific NW Ninja

Colo. medical pot suppliers will have to pay taxes
DUDE! Is Rastafarian-ism a religion?

Obama: Aim is to put US on path to end Afghan war
Did he just figure this out?

Obama confident in conviction of Sept. 11 suspect
Then why have a trial?

City trying to make sense of brutal gang rape
Exactly how big was this gang?

East Coast states totaling damage from nor'easter
Well, if they win on Wheel of Fortune, it will be with a t & h.

Vaccines on horizon for AIDS, Alzheimer's, herpes
Now who will ask: "Where'd you get that cold sore you old fag?"

Chiefs WR Bowe suspended for drug violation
Depending on the drugs, he was already suspended.

UN: Fight climate change with free condoms
I'm glad retards have a place to work.

Police: Would-be Seattle ninja impaled on fence
This would never happen to a real Seattle Ninja.

Memo to LeBron: MJ is doing fine without your help
Note from LeBron: MJ is dead! Eee Hee Hee JAMON!

Meteor showers in Asia disappoint
Maybe everybody was expecting Meteol Showels.

3 celebs head to 'Dancing With the Stars' final

Where the hell is my backup 'stache!?

All my best friends are Northern Hutus

Somali pirate: $3.3M ransom paid, 36 hostages free
The birth of an industry.

Reports: Army to probe alleged shooter's career
Allegedly.

Astronauts inspect space shuttle in case of damage
I wonder who took off their helmet first?

French hotel offers guests a night as a hamster
Mr. Gere, there's a call for you in the foyer.

New mammogram advice raises questions, concerns
ObamaCare: The Prequel

Jellyfish swarm northward in warming world
Hutu extremist group leaders arrested in Germany
Oh my God, global warming is affecting Hutus too!

H1N1, asthma can be a dire combination in children
THIS JUST IN!

Formerly conjoined twins in stable condition
Shouldn't they at least be in a hospital?

Geithner: US must not drop ball on financial fix
Especially if it means he has to pay taxes.

Sweet 'n' Short

In Asia, Obama Makes Promises of Change
...and the campaign continues.

Abortion Funding in Health Care Reform Splits Democrats
Sounds painful. Imagine what it does to babies!

Mexico plans big Gulf tourism center near Texas
They should call it 'Mexico'.

Reports: Titans owner makes crude gesture to fans
Since when is "Ticket Prices" called a crude gesture?