KER-POW!

Blog-O-Vision

Kennedy: Nothing Will 'Keep Me Away'
"unless it is blonde, bubbly and bathing in a Buick."

Consumer outlook up more than expected in August
I blame George W. Bush!

Official: Man wasn't a 'credible threat' to Obama
"but Mankind may prove difficult."

Number of uninsured drops; Poverty holds steady
Bush: 1 Democrats: 0

Tunnels show Hitler's megalomaniac vision
Tunnelvision!

Abandoned baby found safe with dog
It must've had kibbles inside.

Actors paid to line up for iPhone launch
but it took a director to get them to emote.

My Favorite Bloggy!

Most owners say their homes depreciated: survey
..And most homeowners would be mistaken.

Japanese create stem cells from wisdom teeth
They'll only work if they are wisdom teeth from dead babies.

Bhutto widower proposed for Pakistan president
Is this a remake of the "Corpse Bride"?

Face transplant patient can smile, blink again
Sadly, only from the Ear & Nose, respectively.

Phoning it in

Mexico starts campaign to save endangered porpoise
Good, 'cause I'm starving!

Australian officials to euthanize baby whale
They should call it Moby Veal.

Indiana ramps up its control efforts against kudzu
Barack has a brother?!

Baby pronounced dead lives after hours in cooler
Not if Sen. Obama has anything to say about it.

Blog II - Return to Blog Mountain

Ailing Johnson wins balance beam gold
Viva Viagra.

US track sees Richards, Jones blow leads
The Rolling Stones saw Richards & Jones blow everything else.

Puerto Rico corpse kept upright for 3-day wake
Viva Viagra.

Australian PM urges more US climate change action
Seems pretty important to him. Perhaps he'd be willing to pay for us.

More women are having fewer children, if at all
Does that mean fewer women are having more children? I'm So Confused!

Impregnated Blog

Musharraf resigns as Pakistan president
Quikee Mart flags are at half-mast all week.

He edges Liukin on uneven bars
MEN!

Studies: Video games can aid students, surgeons
Especially if they aspire to be extremely fast hedgehogs.

Obama raises $7.8 million in San Francisco
He must be very sore.

Producer critically injured after car hits her
When, oh when will the Democrats ban killer cars?!

China's Liu bows out without running Olympic race
"I wasn't bowing out, I was just saying Herro!"

New porn channel lets Canadians strut their stuff
Insert Beaver Joke: HERE

My Platofrm

My personal platform is simple. It is something I have thought about at great length and will vote for anyone I feel could bring it to fruition as I am unelectable because I once was arrested for a moped violation.

1.) Mandate every Senator, Congressman, President, Judge, Bureaucrat, et al. to participate in the Social Security system.
As they do not participate today, our leaders are essentially practicing Taxation without Representation. The moment all members of our government administration share in the Social Security experience, the moment it will become better or implode. Either will be an improvement.

2.) Remove from every job application, admittance form, mortgage paperwork, etc. the section that asks the color of one's skin.
The way our system works today is tantamount to ordering a sandwich at a drive-through restaurant and being asked, before pulling around, "Do you wear glasses?" If we are to truly live in a colorblind society, as MLK challenged us to do, and if we are to move beyond today's definition of racism, and racism as a whole; we need to stop making race the precursor of every conversation.

3.) Eliminate the Federal Withholding Tax.
Before FDR, workers paid taxes just like business do today, after they were paid & directly to the government. Most people, regardless of their education level, have little idea what they are paying into the IRS and even fewer know where it goes from there. Demanding taxable income to be paid directly by taxpayers would create an immediate shutdown of many governmental services and force the population to rethink who best represents the will of the people. Indeed, there would be immediate scofflaws and probable anarchy from people waking up to the realization that most of their money is being spent foolishly by officials who live by a different rulebook , but hey, we want change, right?

My three ideals are all challenging, but workable. They are placed in order of most likely to least probable. With a national population of 300 million I am certain that there are many who have other, and probably better ideas, but for right now, I am confident that if these three ideas were put in place, many, if not all, of our country’s problems would work themselves out rather quickly.

I would enjoy hearing your thoughts.

Invisi-blog

Paris Hilton's mom takes offense at McCain's humor
The Hilton's are kind of authorities on offensive stuff.

LaBeouf lawyers: Left hand 'crushed' in wreck
are his doctors writing the subpoenas?

IOC strips gold from 2000 US relay team
But just from their teef.

Once common on skin, anthrax is deadly in lungs
THIS JUST IN!

Bush heads to Asia for diplomacy and sports
and if we wait long enough, he'll get blamed for something.

Study: Restaurant kids' meals loaded with calories
on a side note: Desserts are simply packed with sugar!

Invasive species bills stuck in Congress
I always knew something was stuck up there.

It's pelican vs. trout in Idaho predator conflict
my money is on the bird.

Chinese entrepreneur dreams of a global brand
wouldn't that make it a Grobar Bland?

Slow Food US debut: San Francisco, Aug. 29-Sept. 1
If it's Escargot, it better hurry!

Today's Highlight in History:
In 1900, Britain's Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother, was born.
I'm not an Anglophile or anything, but it's pretty impressive that they knew to call her the Queen Mother, even as an infant.

Blogs of Steel

Alleged thief stuck under trash bin for 12 hours
Allegedly

Pair stopped at 108 mph re-arrested at airport
At 108 MPH the officer must have used great precision & had nerves of steel.

Texas border town faces skunk infestation
They're just here to do the stinking up that Americans won't do.

Obama risks voter ire by opposing new oil drilling
but the Arabs simply adore him!

Obama proposes $1,000 energy rebates for consumers
He plans to raise taxes first.

Older Men Happier Than Older Women
The upside to hearing loss.

Siberian Russians marvel at solar eclipse
Great, Now Back To Work Comrade!

Hawaiian to charge $15 for first bag
This could get expensive for Polygamists.