Wednesday, December 31, 2008

One last thing...

World bids a relieved adieu to a rocky year
'09 gonna be Obamalicious!

Volunteer suicide bombers seek to attack Israel

Well, you gotta start somewhere to make it to the pros.

Smoking ban leads to major drop in heart attacks
and an increase in Social Security benefits to the elderly.

Bitter cold, snow put chill on end of 2008
It feels like it's almost January!

Hard to hear at holiday parties? Blame your brain
I blame George Bush.

JoePa to coach from press box at Rose Bowl
They gots the nice terlets up there.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Magic Flap!

The Freddie Hubbard Discography
Disco Sucks

Publisher pulls children's book based on fake Holocaust story
Horton Hears a Holocaust?

'Magic Negro' flap might help Saltsman
It's the flaps that make them magical!

Mexico calls off search for cruise passenger
Apparently, there are American jobs they aren't willing to do.

Palin's daughter gives birth to son named Tripp
I guess Bleep, Mork & A-ha were too common as first names.

Illinois governor to make public statement
F**K y'all and the F**kin horse you rode in on!

Girl dies on cold walk; dad charged with murder
I blame Global Warming.

Carey: "I failed math, like Einstein"
"and I created a bomb, like Glitter."

ACLU sues to block restrictive Ark. adoption law
It wants each pair of animals to be of the same gender.

Spill may have permanently altered Tenn. community
"but I ain't hurt none!"

When to buy? When to sell? When to divorce?
and When to Pay Vince?

Monday, December 29, 2008

E-Z Genetic Engineering: The Home Edition!

Nearly 200,000 without power in Michigan
Too bad it's not the Unions.

Protecting Obama when the lights go out
..and Obama said, "Let There Be Light!"

Police officer deaths drop in 2008, groups say
I blame George W. Bush.

After 30 years, John Warner exits Senate at peace
He looks so natural.

Single male rhino, 20, seeks mate to save species
He should sue eHarmony as soon as possible.

Hobbyists are trying genetic engineering at home
I've always called it sex, and yes, I've dabbled in it.

Amateurs are trying genetic engineering at home
You mean some people are getting paid for this!?!

Single male rhino, 20, seeks mate to save species
Has he considered Home Genetic Engineering?

Study: Family behavior key to health of gay youth
Another key is to avoid pooper sex.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Post-Chrismas Eve, Eve

Millions of older Americans use risky drug combos
Ex-Lax & Viagra, or it's "street name" soft 'n' hard. That's the stuff.

More snow, ice vexes travelers in northern states
Geez, you'd think it was wint...oh, nevermind.

Disgraced Mass. sen. applies for pension increase
Kennedy, Kerry? it could be anyone.

Today's Highlight in History:
In 1993, the Rev. Norman Vincent Peale, who blended Christian and psychiatric principles into a message of "positive thinking," died in Pawling, N.Y., at age 95. His last words were, "Shit, I forgot to pay back Vince!"

Monday, December 22, 2008

A class act.

Monday, December 22, 2008
Joseph Curl & Josh Solmon

For much of the past seven years, President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have waged a clandestine operation inside the White House. It has involved thousands of military personnel, private presidential letters and meetings that were kept off their public calendars or sometimes left the news media in the dark.

Their mission: to comfort the families of soldiers who died fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and to lift the spirits of those wounded in the service of their country.

On Monday, the president is set to make a more common public trip - with reporters in tow - to Walter Reed Army Medical Center, home to many of the wounded and a symbol of controversy earlier in his presidency over the quality of care the veterans were receiving.

But the size and scope of Mr. Bush's and Mr. Cheney's private endeavors to meet with wounded soliders and families of the fallen far exceed anything that has been witnessed publicly, according to interviews with more than a dozen officials familiar with the effort.

"People say, 'Why would you do that?'" the president said in an Oval Office interview with The Washington Times on Friday. "And the answer is: This is my duty. The president is commander in chief, but the president is often comforter in chief, as well. It is my duty to be - to try to comfort as best as I humanly can a loved one who is in anguish."

Mr. Bush, for instance, has sent personal letters to the families of every one of the more than 4,000 troops who have died in the two wars, an enormous personal effort that consumed hours of his time and escaped public notice. The task, along with meeting family members of troops killed in action, has been so wrenching - balancing the anger, grief and pride of families coping with the loss symbolized by a flag-draped coffin - that the president often leaned on his wife, Laura, for emotional support.

"I lean on the Almighty and Laura," Mr. Bush said in the interview. "She has been very reassuring, very calming."

Mr. Bush also has met privately with more than 500 families of troops killed in action and with more than 950 wounded veterans, according to White House spokesman Carlton Carroll. Many of those meetings were outside the presence of the news media at the White House or at private sessions during official travel stops, officials said.

The first lady said those private visits, many of which she also attended, took a heavy emotional toll, not just on the president, but on her as well.

"It is just so unbelievably emotional to be with the families, for everybody involved. I mean for us and for them and for everyone," she said in a telephone interview with The Times on Saturday. "I'm very aware of how emotional it is and how draining it is for the president and for me, too. Both of us. But I think we do support each other, not by saying anything so much, but just by the comfort of each other's presence, both when we are with the families and then afterward when we are alone."

Mr. Cheney similarly has hosted numerous events, even sneaked away from the White House or his Naval Observatory home to meet troops at hospitals or elsewhere without a hint to the news media.

For instance, Mr. Cheney flew to North Carolina late last month and met with 500 special-operations soldiers for three hours on a Saturday night at a golf resort. The event was so secretive that the local newspaper didn't even learn about it until three days after it happened.

Mr. Cheney and his wife, Lynne, also have hosted more than a half-dozen barbecues at their Naval Observatory home for wounded troops recovering at Bethesda Naval Hospital and Walter Reed and their spouses and children.

The vice president said Mr. Bush "feels a very special obligation to those who he has to send in harm's way on behalf of the nation, and a very special obligation to their families, especially the families of those who don't come home again."

"He, in his travels, spends time with the families of the fallen. If he goes down to Fort Bragg, he'll often times pull together the families of guys who were stationed at Bragg and killed in action, and spend time with the families," Mr. Cheney told The Times in an interview last week.

Mr. Bush did just that when he visited Fort Bragg, N.C., in 2002, rallying 2,000 special-operation soldiers stationed at the base, which would send thousands of men to the two wars, hundreds of whom would never return. "I want their families to know that we pray with them, that we honor them, and they died in a just cause, for defending freedom, and they will not have died in vain," he told the troops, his voice choking with emotion and his eyes welling up with tears.

That same month, in St. Petersburg, Fla., the president broke down in tears as he addressed the parents and family of one of the first soldiers to die in Afghanistan. "I know your heart aches, and we ache for you. But your son and your brother died for a noble and just cause," he said as a tear rolled down his right cheek.

He stopped his speech, overcome by emotion as the crowd stood and cheered. His chin still quivering, he smeared away tears, smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Those were public events, but mirrored the scores of private meetings where emotions also ran deep.

"I do get a little emotional because it's - I'm genuine when I say I'll miss being the commander in chief," the president told The Times. "I am in awe of our military. And I hold these folks in great respect. And I also sincerely appreciate the sacrifices that their families make."

Mr. Bush sees his job as providing comfort to those who have sacrificed so much. "The definition of comfort is very interesting. Comfort means hug, comfort means cry, comfort means smile, comfort means listen. Comfort also means, in many cases, assure the parent or the spouse that any decision made about troops in combat will be made with victory in mind, not made about my personal standing in the polls or partisan politics."

Asked where he gets the strength to meet with the families of soldiers whom he - as commnder in chief - sent to their deaths, he turned stern.

"You have to believe in the cause. You have to understand that - and believe we'll be successful. If I didn't believe in the cause, it would be unbelievably terrible. I believe strongly in what we're doing. I believe it's necessary for our security. And I believe history will justify the actions. ...

"The interesting thing is, most of our troops fully understand this. They know we must defeat the enemy there so we don't have to face them here. And in a place like Iraq, they fully understood that Iraq was a front for al Qaeda. And they saw their mission as one of defending America by defeating al Qaeda," he told The Times.

Meeting with the families of the fallen has allowed the president to step out of the bubble that often surrounds him, to meet real people. "I find out a lot about the individuals when the families come and see me, because one thing they want to do is, they want to share. They want to share pictures or letters or moments.

"And I ask them to describe their loved one. What should I know about this person? Or they volunteer - 'You'd like this guy.' And many of them have said - it's amazing, the comforter in chief oftentimes is the comforted person - comforted because of their strength, comforted because of their devotion, comforted because of their love for their family member. And a lot of them said, Mr. President, please know that my child wanted to do this."

Mrs. Bush said she, too, is moved by their private meetings with relatives of the fallen.

"Visiting with the families of the fallen is one of the most touching, moving parts of this job that George has. I remember best the most recent, which was on the Intrepid on Veterans Day, when we met with nine different families. I remember them all very well, but one story that stands out in my mind was this sister who had written a biography of her brother that she lost.

"So she asked if she could read it to us. ... It represents every single family that wanted us to know about their loved ones, and what they were like, what their sense of humor was like, what they liked to do, and what they were good at."

The first lady said that many of the meetings have been kept private because "these are such personal times when people grieve. And we grieve with them. And these are not times when you would want a camera in the room or other people around. They are very emotional, personal times.

"And for all of these families to be in a room with the commander in chief who made the decision to send their loved one in harm's way is, you know, a wrenching time for us and for them. For all of us, the consequences of the choices that a commander in chief makes are clear. It's all about them, and their grief."

Some private meetings with soldiers have been publicized at the request of the soldiers themselves. When Mr. Bush met with Spc. Max Ramsey, who lost his left leg in 2006 while serving in Iraq, and Sgt. Neil Duncan, a double-amputee injured in Afghanistan in 2005, it was Sgt. Duncan who asked for news coverage.

"I wasn't sure my buddies would believe me," Sgt. Duncan said, joking with the president. When Mr. Bush had visited him at Walter Reed, the sergeant had vowed to run again, and did so on the White House South Lawn's jogging track in July 2007.

Although it was a Wednesday, Mr. Bush - who had scheduled a brief run - pulled the two soldiers through the trees to the White House pool after their jog.

"The group of us just sat there for like two hours maybe and chatted. On a whim, he just took two hours out of his schedule. ... We talked about personal things, how he feels about the war, what's been hard, what it's like being the president, some of the most difficult times for him. It was very, very cool - priceless."

Sgt. Duncan said he's glad he got the media to cover what otherwise would have been a private visit. "I thought it would be good for other soldiers to see that. It was a personal accomplishment - I wanted my family and my friends and people that I know and people I've never met to see it."

The vice president, who has been derided in the media as "Darth Vader," also has operated outside of the limelight to support wounded troops and their families even though he could have made political hay if he had made them public. He and his wife have hosted wounded troops and their families at his residence at the Naval Observatory, arranging for big-name country singers, such as Charlie Daniels and Sara Evans, to provide entertainment.

Pressed whether he ever considered allowing rap music at one of his barbecues for the troops, the vice president laughed.

"No rap, no. The country and western is sort of a compromise between old folks - you know, the big band sound of the '50s and the rappers that the younger generation understands," he said.

Actually, Mr. Cheney did manage to connect troops at his home with the "American Idol" television phenomenon in February, when he hosted an event for about 50 wounded troops at the Naval Observatory that showcased Melinda Doolittle, the big-voiced singer who was a finalist on the sixth season of the hit show.

On June 30, the vice president - code-named "Angler" by the Secret Service for his love for fly-fishing - staged a fly-fishing event on his lawn with a group of wounded troops being helped out by the charitable organization Project Healing Waters.

Rather than the usual rubber waders and camouflage fishing hat, the vice president sported a dark suit, a white shirt, green tie and business shoes but still managed to show off his favorite fly-fishing cast to the troops. Instead of water, he aimed for a bright green patch of grass as the smiling military men and their wives picked up tips and practiced themselves.

Blog Like an Egyptian

Two 4,300-year-old tombs unveiled near Cairo
Mass Internet outages in Egypt after cables cut
It is as the scribes predicted!

Toyota projects first operating loss since 1941
Apparently Pearl Harbor was a financial fiasco.

Hairdressers want chance to style first lady
Gurrrrrrl, I am gonna make y'all look like the Lincoln Memorial!

Obama names 4 top members of science team
Hawking, Gore, Sulu & MacGyver

Friday, December 19, 2008

Economic Blogout

Iraqi judge says shoe-tossing reporter was beaten
That's okay, Dr. Scholl will fix him right up!

Storm bringing wintry misery to Midwest
Geez, you'd think it was Decem...oh...nevermind.

The perfect mate: What we really want
A large breasted mute nymphomaniac who owns a bar.

Conn. man imprisoned for 20 years gets new trial
How did he trick them into that?

Katy Perry fills music's quirky girl void
I kissed a girl and I liked it too. BFD!

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1813, British forces captured Fort Niagara during the War of 1812. um, wouldn't that have made it the War of 1813?

In 1946, war broke out in Indochina as troops under Ho Chi Minh launched widespread attacks against the French. Good morning Vietnam.

Ten years ago: President Bill Clinton was impeached by the Republican-controlled House for perjury and obstruction of justice (he was later acquitted by the Senate). President Clinton halted airstrikes against Iraq after a fourth day of attacks.
"Mr. President, the proceedings are over sir. You can stop indiscriminately killing people now."

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Union, YES!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1777, France recognized American independence
...and promptly surrendered.

In 1944, the U.S. Army announced it was ending its policy of excluding Japanese-Americans from the West Coast.
Apparently Mexico took that as an open invitation.

Ten years ago: The United States hit Iraq with a second wave of punishing airstrikes. Republicans advanced the impeachment case against President Bill Clinton to the House floor for a debate the following day. House Speaker-designate Bob Livingston shocked fellow Republicans by admitting he'd had extramarital affairs. Bob resigned in shame to avoid further embarrassment of his Congressional colleagues. Bill, however, changed the subject by killing some people.

A Fairy Tale

One day, a long, long, time ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.

But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.

The End

A great friggin' article from WSJ.

Pyramid Schemes Are as American as Apple Pie

How President Grant was taken by the Madoff of his day.

By his own admission, Bernard Madoff has catapulted himself into the major leagues of Wall Street fraud. That is no small accomplishment, given some of the more famous frauds of the past. But a $50 billion Ponzi scheme is no small thing.


To be sure, the number of still unanswered questions is huge. How could a Ponzi scheme last as long as this one and reach so fantastic a sum? Why didn't he take the money and decamp to some extradition-free country instead of admitting the fraud and waiting for the cops to show up? And, of course, how could so many sophisticated people be fooled for so long by an operation that, at least in retrospect, had red flags all over it?

Ponzi schemes, where early investors are paid dividends out of the money put in by later investors, usually last only a few months. Charles Ponzi's eponymous scheme in 1919 started with just 16 investors and $870. Six months later, there were 20,000 investors who had put in $10,000,000. Ten million was a whole lot of money in 1919 and when it attracted attention, Ponzi soon found himself with a five-year jail term and the dubious honor of adding his name to the English language for a type of fraud he hadn't even invented.

Most Ponzi schemes are penny-ante affairs, such as chain letters, that bilk their victims out of a few dollars each. Even Charles Ponzi's investors put in an average of only $500 each. But Wall Street's most famous Ponzi scheme was, like the present one, no small affair. And its principal victim was a man few associate with Wall Street at all -- Ulysses S. Grant.

Ulysses Grant Jr., known as Buck, had been trained in the law and tried several businesses without success before coming to Wall Street. There he was befriended by Ferdinand Ward, a typical all-hat-and-no-cattle fast talker whom Grant was too naive to recognize as such. They soon formed a brokerage firm named Grant and Ward.

Ward hoped to trade on the Grant name and when Gen. Grant moved to New York in 1881, four years after serving as president, he came into the firm as a limited partner, investing $200,000, virtually his entire net worth. Many people, hoping to profit by a connection with the former president's access to power in Washington, opened accounts with the firm.

When Ward attempted to borrow money from the Marine National Bank, its president, James D. Fish, wrote Grant, who, as naive as his son, replied "I think the investments are safe, and I am willing that Mr. Ward should derive what profit he can for the firm that the use of my name and influence may bring." Grant meant it only in a general sense, but Fish thought the fix was in on government contracts going to companies that Ward said he controlled.

But Grant, as honest as he was foolish about business matters, had flatly refused to lobby for government contracts. So Ward just lied and solicited investments from Grant's friends and well-wishers, promising large dividends to come from lucrative government contracts with the firms he was investing in. He then took the money and speculated with it. He kept the promised large dividends flowing by paying them out of the money new investors put in.

It worked for awhile and, with the help of thoroughly cooked books, Grant and his son thought they were both seriously rich, worth $2 million and $1 million respectively. Grant began to go downtown regularly to the Grant and Ward offices, where he would greet new investors, who were suitably impressed to meet him. He didn't have a clue what was really going on.

And of course, it all fell apart. Had Ward been a talented speculator he might have made it work. But he was utterly incompetent. By April, 1884, he was desperate. He had borrowed so much money from Marine National Bank that it would fail along with Grant and Ward, possibly setting off a major panic on the Street. So, ever the con man, he told Grant that it was the Marine National Bank that was in trouble and needed $150,000 to avoid failure, possibly bringing down Grant and Ward with it.

Grant went to see William H. Vanderbilt, the richest man in the world, on the evening of May 5. Vanderbilt, anything but naive and never tactful, told Grant that "What I've heard about that firm would not justify me in lending it a dime." But Vanderbilt let him have the money, saying "to you -- to General Grant -- I'm making this loan." He wrote out a check for $150,000.

Grant returned home and turned it over to a waiting Ferdinand Ward. When Grant went downtown the next morning his son told him that Ward -- and the money -- had vanished and that both Marine National and their own firm were bankrupt. Grant spent several hours alone in his office and when he left he passed through the crowd that had gathered outside, without speaking. Everyone in the crowd removed their hats as a sign of respect.

Ward was soon caught and thrown into the Ludlow Street Jail. He spent 10 years in prison for grand larceny. But there was no saving Grant and Ward, which was found to have assets of $67,174 and liabilities of $16,792,640. By June, Grant had only about $200 in cash to his name. The failure, of course, was front-page news and people began sending him checks spontaneously, which he had no option but to accept. One man added a note to his check, "On account of my share for services ending in April, 1865."

Every cloud, of course, has a silver lining, including the failure of Grant and Ward and the embarrassment of a national hero. Desperate to provide for his family, Grant finally agreed to write his memoirs, something he had stoutly resisted for nearly 20 years, thinking he couldn't write. Mark Twain's publishing firm gave him an advance of $25,000 -- a huge sum for that time. Soon after he began work, Grant learned that he had throat cancer and he hurried to finish the book so as not to leave his family destitute. He died three days after he completed the manuscript.

The book was a titanic success, selling over 300,000 copies and earning Grant's heirs half a million in royalties. But the book was more than just a best seller. It was a masterpiece. With his honesty and simple, forthright style, Grant created the finest work of military history of the 19th century. Even today, most historians and literary critics regard Grant's memoirs as equaled in the genre only by Caesar's "Commentaries."

One can only hope that something even half as good and significant can come out of the peculations of Bernard Madoff.

Mr. Gordon is the author of "An Empire of Wealth: The Epic History of American Economic Power" (HarperCollins, 2004).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Is Caroline Kennedy ready for the Senate?
Well Of Course She Is! Did you notice her last name?

Old people store bad memories differently
The eat earlier and smell funny too.

Official: Shoe-thrower in Iraqi judicial custody
Out of respect, this should be handled the old Iraqi way. Beheading.

Best Buy 3Q profit sinks, offers staff buyouts
They're being paid in Reward Zone points.

TNT discovered at famed Paris department store
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.

Racial gap in colon cancer deaths is widening
This Profiling Must Stop!

Today's Highlight in History:
Ten years ago: President Bill Clinton ordered a sustained series of airstrikes against Iraq by American and British forces in response to Saddam Hussein's continued defiance of UN weapons inspectors. The House delayed a debate set to begin the next day on four articles of impeachment against President Clinton. Clinton lied, people died.

Thought for Today: "Somewhere in the world there is an epigram for every dilemma." — Hendrik Willem Van Loon, Dutch-born journalist and lecturer (1882-1944). or headline.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Flying Shoes

Ill. House speaker launches Blagojevich impeachment panel
Get well soon.

Bitterly cold air hits much of nation
I blame Global warming.

Detroit automakers await deal on auto loans
"Let me go check with my sales manager."

Advocates of blind fault TV skit about NY Governor
How'd they hear about it?

Gender identity on city's agenda
"Drop trou Councilperson."

Obama left with little time to curb global warming
He's got it slated between his 'walking on water' luncheon and his 'curing of the lepers' webinar.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Blowhard Bowl on

The eyes -- and ire -- of Texas were upon college football's Bowl Championship Series this week after the University of Texas Longhorns were denied a spot in next month's national title game. With the regular season over, the third-ranked Horns couldn't become champs without an act of Congress. But now that you mention it . . .

Joe Barton (R., Youknowwhere) and Michael McCaul (R., Noprizesforguessing), along with Illinois Democrat Bobby Rush, on Thursday announced legislation to essentially outlaw the BCS. Their bill would "prohibit the marketing, promotion, and advertising of a postseason game as a 'national championship' football game, unless it is the result of a playoff system." Any noncompliant games would be "treated as violations of the Federal Trade Commission Act as an unfair or deceptive act or practice."

Fans of the Florida Gators and Oklahoma Sooners (this year's title-game participants) might not agree that the current process is fraudulent. But forget about the merits; this is Congress we're talking about. With Texas and Texas Tech, Southern California, Penn State and Utah among this year's malcontents, the votes could add up quickly. And President-elect Obama is a self-professed playoff proponent.

As with the stalled auto bailout, however, Senators might want to debate the details. In typical Washington fashion, the Barton bill doesn't actually propose a new system for crowning a champion, just the elimination of the old one. Maybe more details will be forthcoming from Mr. Barton, who has been at this before. In December 2005 the Texan called a subcommittee hearing to grill BCS advocates, before deciding legislation wasn't needed. Back then the Texas Longhorns were preparing to play for the BCS trophy. He was less concerned after they won.

Press #1 to hear this in Nordic.

Filipino Christian vigilantes get set for battle
Now that’s what I call Profiling!

Democratic governor: Obama bungled Blagojevich response
How DARE they criticize the Chosen One!

Lancet: Dozens of nations inflated vaccine numbers
it was actually only two nations, but I bet dozens got your attention.

November video game sales near $3 billion

Woe is the economy!

FDA advisers: restrict some asthma drugs
or we could just put our hand over an asthmatics mouth.

CNN names new White House team
This Just In from November 4, 2008!

Switzerland joins European open borders area
The Fins are just doing the jobs that Swedes won't do!

UAL hoping for cost savings with Continental deal
What. Are they flying to Pangaea now?
Look it up you doofus!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

B**g you.

Patti Blagojevich's family rallies to her defense
Actually, she's really a nice f***ing c**t.

Koalas will go extinct without urgent action, experts say
Maybe we can feed them cough drops.

Britain abuzz over a new plan to arm bobbies with Tasers

In Austin Powers it was Lasers and they spelled Bobbies differently.

Greenhouse gases warming North America unevenly
I noticed this the last time I was in Florida.

FDA puts black box warning on bowel-clearing drugs
I hope it digestible.

Outlandish comedies find success at Golden Globes
Aniston poses nude on January cover of GQ magazine
= Jennifer Aniston finds success with Golden Globes.

Reid tries to explain 'smell the tourists' comment
"What I meant was they're racist rednecks desperately clinging to their guns and bibles." Hey, it worked for other Democrats.

Is Homophone death by Verizon?

Suicide bomber kills dozens at Iraq restaurant
1: the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally especially by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind

Pronunciation:\ˈhä-mə-ˌsīd, ˈhō-\
1: a killing of one human being by another

What a strange coincidence that so many people decided to end it all, right there at the same time.

Pakistan bans charity linked to Mumbai attacks
I didn't even know there was a Mumbaition Army.

Greek-inspired demonstrations spread

14 alleged Islamic extremists detained in Belgium

Study: More nano research needed
There's plenty going on, you just can't see it.

Kids with obesity-linked gene like fattening foods
and zookeepers like animals. Who pays for this crap!?!

Generic drug prices falling in US
Thank you Walmart.

Today's Highlights in History:
In 1937, Italy announced it was withdrawing from the League of Nations. Which is why they don't have cool superheroes like Ordinanza & Donna di Meraviglia

In 1941, Germany and Italy declared war on the United States; the U.S. responded in kind. You can RSVP war?

In 1983, Pope John Paul II visited a Lutheran church in Rome, the first visit by a Roman Catholic pontiff to a Protestant church in his own diocese. He should've nailed some stuff to their door.

Thought for Today: "A technical objection is the first refuge of a scoundrel. " — Heywood Broun, American journalist (1888-1939). Hiding behind your wife is a close second.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Faux Twitter

Shouldn't lisping be spelled lithping?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Come Down Motheth!

Violence breaks out during Greek teen's funeral
Et Tu, Dude?!?

Bush calls on Zimbabwe's Mugabe to step down
Same thing happened to Moses, plus he had to carry those tablets.

3 NYC police officers surrender in sodomy case
What, no foreplay?!

5 ways to green your Christmas tree
#1 - Leave it in the ground.

Police release names of Mumbai gunmen
Release them? I can't pronounce them!

Calling in 'gay' to work is latest form of protest
"Sorry boss, I was up all night with uncontrollable lisping."

Endeavour delays return trip to Fla. until Tuesday
Hold Your Breath Boys!

Studies show dogs have sense of fairness
Mine will hump anything.

QB Colt McCoy tells paper he'll return to Texas

Bull storms mall, scares shoppers
"ahem, which way to the China Shop?"

Illinois governor arrested on federal charges
NicFitz's Headline Tip of the Day: If they don't blare the word Republican in the headline, it's a Democrat.

Today is Tuesday, Dec. 9, the 344th day of 2008. There are 22 days left in the year.
and still plenty of time to retire debts before tax time!

Monday, December 8, 2008


Indian woman gives birth aged 70: reports
The world’s longest gestation?

Indian woman gives birth aged 70: reports

That baby is the perfect casino customer!

White House says auto deal is 'very likely'
I bet they throw in some floor mats.

"Twilight" director won't shoot sequel
There should be an award for that alone.

Malaria vaccine shows promise in Africa tests

I bet it’s made with DDT.

Native hunters: Climate is thinning caribou herds
that, and Sarah Palin.

Obama pledges not to smoke in White House
But he would make smoking cool again!

Youthfulness an American obsession - at what cost?

$2300 per tit.

Car dealer offers second car for free
What about floor mats?

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1980, rock star John Lennon was shot to death outside his New York City apartment building by an apparently deranged fan. Allegedly.

In 1982, a man demanding an end to nuclear weapons held the
Washington Monument hostage, threatening to blow it up with explosives he claimed were inside a van. After a 10-hour standoff, Norman D. Mayer was shot dead by police; it turned out there were no explosives. Though one bullet was found in Mr. Mayer

In 1993, President Bill Clinton signed into U.S. law the North American Free Trade Agreement, which went into effect at the start of 1994. Hmmm, I wonder how this affected U.S. employment rates?

Ten years ago: Struggling to stave off impeachment, President Bill Clinton's defenders forcefully pleaded his case before the House Judiciary Committee. Boy, did they have egg (or something like eggwhites) on their faces?!?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Cinco de Deco!

Suspected U.S. missile strike kills three in Pakistan


U.S. preparing massive troop buildup in Afghanistan

Shhhh. Don’t tell anybody.

School ties: 20 Harvard classmates on Obama staff


Happiness is contagious, new study says

So is Herpes, but it won’t make you happy.

Stars' Avery suspended 6 games by NHL

Since when has the NHL been run by pussies?

US cmdr spells out Iraq mission under new pact
I just wish he would spell out Commander!

Russian Orthodox Church Patriarch Alexy II dies
Should I make a casserole?

Study raps Web sites touting stem cell therapies
WORD! But what rhymes with Mitochondrial?

Boy George guilty of false imprisonment

Did he really want to hurt him?

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1791, composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart died in Vienna, Austria, at age 35.

I guess that makes him a much more successful decomposer.