Friday, May 30, 2008


How Governor Set His Stance on Gay Rights
I imagine his feet were spread pretty far apart the first time.

Claymates Rejoice! Aiken's Baby Makin'
No comment. The article is kind of creepy.

Myanmar blasts aid donors for not giving more
In regards to this country, the second syllable is silent.

World's rarest rhino caught wrecking video camera

Japanese scientists create microscopic noodle bowl
Finally, they can use the microscopic noodle maker!

Naomi Campbell charged in London airport incident
THIS JUST IN from 2002, 2003, 2006 & 2007.

Collins considers Bulls job
He must really hate Toreadors.

Thursday, May 29, 2008


New York to Back Same-Sex Unions From Elsewhere
I always Thought That The AFL-CIO Was a Little Light in the Loafers.

A Tiny Fruit That Tricks the Tongue can finally move to GLORIOUS Manhattan!

Natural Gas in Pause Mode
That's just the Beano® kicking in.

Monkeys Control a Robot Arm With Their Thoughts
I always dreamed of the day when a chimp could eat a banana and
fling poo at the same time.

Florida and Michigan May See Delegates Halved
Dibs on the first cut!

Moose Gain Ground but Keep a Low Profile
Ve must get Squirrel first!

Sect Mothers Say Separation Endangers Children
Speaking of Separation; what about Church & State?

Chancellor Talks of Cuts for Schools, Amid Hissing
They must be planning to ban Riki Tiki Tavi.

Twin, separated at birth, sues for mix-up
Now that's what I call precocious!

NYC Health Department: Mice at Met Opera
Call Disney: I Have A Movie To Pitch!

Researchers: City residents produce less carbon
"Exhaling is for Hillbillies!"

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Kennedy's Tumor Looks Very Bad and is Possibly French.

Fortunately, he has the
best Health Care Program
100 Senators Could Ever Want.

Words Just Flow Out of Me, Like Cornflake Monkey Happenstance.

Police name man who shot himself
"We've all settled on 'Shithead'."

Sharon Stone: Was China quake `bad karma?'
It would also explain her current career.

Prizes offered to attract teachers for blind
First Prize: Corneas!

Mayor still pushing for leasing of sewers
Plus he got a sweetheart deal on a fully-loaded
manhole just coming off a 2-year program.

Presidential candidates urge end to Darfur
I recommend using one of those Environmentally Friendly Bombs.

Kennedy has major cancer bill in Senate
plus his Health Care tab is being picked up by taxpayers!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Post Memorial Day - My U.S. Flag is Still Waving.

Skydiver's balloon takes off without him
Consider the alternative.

Myanmar extends opposition leader's detention
But he'll miss Soccer Practice!

Nepal swears in new assembly
In the old assembly they gave everyone the finger.

As food prices spiral, farmers, others profit
The Democrats should call for a Windfall Profit Tax

Yao shaken by China's earthquake tragedy
as were most Chinese during the event

Environmentally Friendly Bombs Planned
I converted all of my Lead Bullets into a Wheatgerm &
Flax Derivative. Now I have a 12-Grain Shotgun.

Environmentally Friendly Bombs Planned
If Environmentalists would commit to suicide,
the Population Bomb would be defused.

Mystery deepens as 4th human foot found

FOOLS! The Four Footed Human is merely Evolution
in action, just as Nostradamus predicted.

Monday, May 26, 2008

You Should Fly Your U.S. Flag Today Too!

Mars lander prepares for digging mission
Right On!

Mexico Navy Hunts For Sharks After Attacks
They should use their SEALS...wait, did you just say Mexican Navy!?!

Could Wii Fit Solve Obesity-Related Problems?
Sure; if you stop eating to play with it.

Friday, May 23, 2008

29 Palms is a Masonic Term...oh dear, perhaps I've said to much.

Madonna auctions off lip gloss at AIDS benefit
I don't even want to know where its been.

Defense wants reporter to testify in rapper trial
West Coast style or East Coast Style? WORD!

Miller helps Marlins complete sweep of Arizona
They don't call it 'High Life' for nuthin'!

Buy a car, get a free gun
Finally; a sensible auto promotion.

Today's Highlight in History:

On May 23, 1934, bank robbers Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker were shot to death in a police ambush in Bienville Parish, La. It was actually caught on film...and Bonnie was HOT!

In 1430, Joan of Arc was captured by the Burgundians, who sold her to the English.
Then she was sent to the Gallos.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

There's Better Stuff Here.

Pilots run out of fuel, pray, land near Jesus sign
Just as it was written in McConnell-Douglas 7:18

Professor calls Caladesi Island US's best beach
How do I become a Beach Professor?

Democrats adopt boisterous Puerto Rican style
It's not really a stretch if you consider the bathing practices of your average liberal.

How David Cook won 'American Idol'
Probably for the same reason Andrew Lloyd Webber won't stop calling his cell phone.

Debate over guns in cars gets heated
Happiness is a Warm Gun.

Church won't be penalized over Obama's speech
There's no penalty if you don't really believe in it.

Who is your choice for the next American Idol?
My money is on a Hermaphrodite.

Aspen trees starved in global warming experiment
What's Next...WATERBOARDING!?!


As blogging is the future of communication,
I made my family get dressed up for the occasion.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Random Thought

If Darwin was right, why do we keep saving sick people?

Dry Run

Cyclists promote global health
What happens when they need to oil their chain?

Overheard: Charles Barkley

Indians on deck
Who said Christopher Columbus wasn't inclusive?

Agreement in Lebanon to End Political Crisis

FINALLY! Now we can focus on important things, like steroids in baseball.

Time Warner Details Separation Plans
I heard she gets the Springsteen albums

Estranged Father Testifies in Sect Case

Blind Win Court Ruling on U.S. Currency
Justice is Bli...oh, nevermind.

Biotech Company to Auction Chances to Clone a Dog
and for an extra $5 you can abort it too!

Can a Dead Brand Live Again?
ask Al Gore.

Your Money: Five Basics for Building a Solid Financial Future
Obama's Campaign Strategy