Monday, December 28, 2009

Tersely Worded Blog

Suicide bombing in Karachi kills 20
When, oh when will Obama ban mass suicide?

New restrictions add to air-travel headaches*

unless it offends Muslims

Families of 3 Americans held in Iran hire lawyer
You hear that Iran? A lawyer!

First case of highly drug-resistant TB found in US
Thanks Obama!

125 pilot whales die on NZ beaches, 43 saved
If you keep pushing them back they'll never learn to walk!

Task force formed to probe Massachusetts fires
In Ohio the task forces put them out.

The nation's weather
George Bush

Detroit explosive common, easily detectible
It normally shows up after NBA Championships.

US condemns violence in Iran
Well, that solves that!

Police: Ivana Trump becomes angry, taken off plane
Officials say man on Sunday flight posed no threat
It's not like he was a Czechoslovakian ex-wife of a real estate mogul!

Obama vows to use power to thwart terrorists*
*unless it offends Muslims

Charlie Sheen's wife claims he threatened her
Wasn't his proposal warning enough?

Ponzi collapses nearly quadrupled in '09
Yet Social Security rolls on.

What’s Missing in Airport Security?


Stimulus Timing

Before Obama it was called 'foreplay'.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Bad Santa

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

What if she's geekstrating?

Iran missile test draws Western condemnation
You hear that Iran? The west is quite displeased!

Geeks Drive Girls Out of Computer Science
So, is 'Geek' a euphemism for men?

Power Outage At OSU Affects Non-Essential Employees
Especially if they were on life-support.

Tiger Woods Doctor Being Probed
Then his doctor is a slut, just like the rest of them!

House OKs junk-food ban
and by "House", I mean "Wife".

Mammoths Were Alive More Recently Than Thought
Is thinking dead?

Intelligence Improperly Collected on U.S. Citizens

Or, as I like to call it, Election 2008.

ABBA, Stooges to join Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
ABBA? Why not Obama? He's earned it dammit!

Today's Highlight in History:
In 1976, the government halted its swine flu vaccination program following reports of paralysis apparently linked to the vaccine. Obama keeps looking more and more like Carter.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Finally: a tastefully racist gift guide!

Plan your holiday shopping with the Of Color | Stylish Gifts list from The New York Times 2009 Holiday Gift Guide .

Of Color | Stylish Gifts
Somali fashion, do-it-yourself henna kits, children's books that draw inspiration from the lives of Barack Obama and Sonia Sotomayor: it's not hard to find gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Brilliant 12.9.09

Every serious person should welcome the president's proposals to lift the dormant economy and reduce unemployment. Not because every serious person would agree with them but because they are a clear test of how a left-wing government would run the American economy.

If this works, hats off to them and we become France. If not, Americans may finally dump left-wing economics into the ash heap of history, starting next November and then in the next presidential election, which can't come soon enough.

The first purpose of the jobs proposals Mr. Obama announced Tuesday—TARP money for Main Street, tax credits for new hires, more infrastructure spending and the weird weatherization program—is to bail out Democratic incumbents. The underlying strength and resilience of the American economy may yet produce enough headline growth the next 11 months to slow the panic over employment levels by next fall.

No Democratic president, though, can just say, "I'm doing this to save the Pelosi majority and to protect the state and local jobs of Andy Stern's dues payers and party regulars in the Service Employees International Union." Mr. Obama's saving grace is that no matter how political his initiatives, the reasons he offers for what he's doing generally do describe what is at stake.

And so he did at the jobs summit: "We've got the most entrepreneurial spirit in the world, and we've got some of the most productive workers in the world. And if we get serious, then the 21st century is going to be the American century, just like the 20th century."

Too true. This global competition is what lies beyond the politics of next November's employment rate. Still, one must ask: Can weatherization save us from a billion Chinese workers?

Apologies for the glibness, but I don't see how one can sort through the Obama economic policies and conclude that we have a strategy for sending America's best and brightest entrepreneurs onto the battlefields of Asia. It looks instead like we're going to spend a generation looking for jobs in Uncle Sam's hiring hall of targeted tax credits and industry-specific subsidies.

Everyone in politics genuflects in the direction of the job-creation powers of "entrepreneurs" and their ideas. But the generation of Democrats who rose to power with the Obama presidency and the current House majority don't really trust or much like real entrepreneurs.

Entrepreneurship, the kind that creates industries and jobs on the scale we'll need in the next century, is about two things: Ideas that spring randomly from some slightly crazed dreamer's head; and worse, they often get filthy rich if the dreams are real. The left likes neither.

In their country, government guides capital to ideas prewashed for goodness. As to letting guys get rich, we know about that problem. Hating it isn't just political. It's cultural.

But unless these Democrats can reverse habits of history dating to the Renaissance, entrepreneurship's new men not only will build businesses and create new jobs, they'll still tend to measure their self-worth with outsized yachts, mansions and other crimes against prevailing norms of taste. The new Democrats bear a visceral antipathy toward these people, whom they've reduced to the lumpen "Republicans."

Barack Obama campaigned for a year against "the top 1%" and "the wealthiest." It sounded like more than economics to me. But a nation can't have entrepreneurs and eat them, too. Asia is overflowing with rich entrepreneurs. Google "China's auto industry." They have more new auto manufacturers than you can count. If the U.S. has any hope of competing long term with this rising force, it will have to let some Americans get as rich as nouveau riche Asians. This presidency won't do that.

At the jobs summit, Mr. Obama said "I want to hear from CEOs what's holding back our business investment." Really?

How about the world's highest corporate tax rate? How about the 5.4% health-care surtax on top of the expiring Bush tax cuts, which will push the top marginal individual rate, paid at the outset by many entrepreneurs, well over 40%?

Set aside income taxes as the unransomed hostages of progressive dogma. Justify this: The Senate health-reform bill imposes a $4 billion annual excise tax on medical devices and diagnostic equipment. In a slow-innovation economy, which is what we have now, medical and diagnostic miracles sit at the intersection of American science, technology, education and IQ. That stuff defines American entrepreneurship and ingenuity. If the Obama Democrats will tax these people, they'll tax anything that produces income, no matter how innovative or job-creating.

The Obama bet is that the U.S. can be a Franco-German welfare state, with a mammoth public sector, and still compete with China, India, Brazil, Korea and the rest. This is a pipedream. We are going to spend four years treading water. If we tread quickly enough, we may get enough growth to save the Democrats, but not the nation.

Write to

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

PUBLISHED 12/2/09!

It's Always in the Last Place You Look

  • "Goodwill Workers Find Marijuana in Donated Jug"--headline, KARE-TV Web site (Minneapolis), Dec. 1

Click here to view or search the Best of the Web Today archives.

(Carol Muller helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to:...Fred Furia, Bruce Goldman, Peter Nichols, Brian Fisher, Bill Kriebel...If you have a tip, write us at, and please include the URL.)

You only think I gave you the finger.

Officials hope poison will stop Asian carp
um, you mean Crap?

Tiger Woods regrets 'transgressions'
I don't care how he dresses, he's still an amazing golfer!

Will raising meter rates by 50 percent hurt Downtown-area businesses?
DUH! Businesses should just raise their prices to make up for the loss in customers.

Skeptical Dems resign themselves to Obama war plan
That's the kind of principled stance I've come to expect from them!

White House Blocks Testimony on Crashers
That's the kind of transparency I've come to expect from them!

Fort Hood suspect charged with attempted murder
He should be charged with a Sunbeam toaster during a water-boarding session.

It's the thought that counts, not the fingers.

Iran President Says Nuclear Enrichment Will Increase
It's sad when this guy's statements are more believable than your own President's.

Deer runs through Jersey City, leaps into Hudson
So what? Liberace' was buried face-down in the Hudson.

New York State Senate Votes Down Gay Marriage Bill

OK, but what if you live in Queens?

Maybe it's time for me to declare my heterosexuality, once and for all!

Today's Highlights in History:

In 1804, Napoleon crowned himself Emperor of the French. and promptly surrendered to himself.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Silent Tiger, Holy Tiger.

Cougars open with a strong showing
Too bad their boobs are so saggy.

Mont. historians seek to recognize 100-year farms
They're the ones with the really old looking barns.

Bowden meeting with school officials on future
I'm still hopeful that we'll all have jetpacks.

Winds drive icebergs away from New Zealand

Exercise Prevents Aging of Cells
Point taken, but the prisoners still look like shit!

Michael Jackson death charges expected to take months
Maybe that's why he overdosed. It was quicker.

Tiger Woods withdraws from tournament, not talking
Jeez, it's not like he has to become a monk!

Alec Baldwin says lost interest in acting, will soon quit
..immediately after he moves to Canada if Bush gets elected.

Binion's closing Las Vegas hotel; casino remains

Or as Vince would say, "Why sleep when we can gamble?"

Tempers rise as Senate moves toward health vote
Unfortunately anger-management will no longer be covered.

Ohio Charity Workers Find Marijuana in Donated Jug
Dude, this is the best Christmas ever!

US November auto sales struggle to gain ground
Maybe the government should create a special trade-in progra...oh wait. Nevermind.

Latino group seeks delay for BMV residency proof
Latin America's first gay marriage thwarted
Jorge can't even think about the wedding, the dress or Juan since the Impala was impounded!

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1934, Soviet communist official Sergei M. Kirov, an associate of Josef Stalin, was assassinated in Leningrad, resulting in a massive purge...of his blood.

One year ago: Actor Paul Benedict, who played English neighbor Harry Bentley on "The Jeffersons," died on Martha's Vineyard, Mass., at age 70. And so continues the "Jefferson's Curse".

Thursday, November 26, 2009


Neb. man gets 3 years for stealing SD fire truck
Neb. drops theft charges against auto executives
Make up your mind!

More remains found at home of missing Calif. teen
What's missing?

Intimate Ella Fitzgerald, Rediscovered
I believe the formal term is exhumed.

Iran Censured Over Nuclear Program by U.N. Watchdog
How you like that Mullah? CENSURED!

Schott's Vocab: Deletionists
Ross Douthat: Evaluations
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet

Shopping Around for the Best Medical Care Prices
You FOOLS! ObamaCare will emininate the need to shop for competitive pricing by eliminating competition, thusby creating a competitive market within a governmental agency-structure. It's so much more sensible!

German Minister Resigns Over Airstrike
Only 65 years, but better late than never, I say!

Report: Montgomery took steroids to beat Greene
The dark side of environmentalism.

Bank Of Mexico Keeps Rates On Hold At 4.5% '
Quatro y Cinco percente'? Es muy fantastico!

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1701, astronomer Anders Celsius, inventor of the Celsius temperature scale, was born in Uppsala, Sweden. In Kelvin that would be 1932 in Montgomery, Alabama.

In 1970, Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was slightly wounded at the Manila airport by a dagger-wielding Bolivian painter disguised as a priest. and thus concludes the story of how the game Clue was created.


Melting Ice Sheets Boost Sea Levels

Obama Quietly Backs Patriot Act Provisions
Golf applause is in order.

Utah man makes wrong turn, sees train approaching
Oh, his poor widows!

Deputies use backhoe to find drugs in septic tank
Hey, I'm not brack and my name is spelled Ho!

Obama to attend Denmark climate summit
"Is this where I get my medal?"

5 Questionable Health Screening Tests
The title of an ObamaCare pamphlet.

Police: Dad leaves boy and goes into strip club

Report: Women Will Suffer Brunt of Climate Change

Especially minority ones in wheelchairs!

Zhu Zhu Mania: Why Hamster Toys Are Hit Christmas Gifts

Because Cabbage Patch Dolls don't fit in Richard Gere's ass.

Climate 'czar' says hacked e-mails don't change anything
...unless the media reports it.

Google Refuses to Remove Crude Image of Michelle Obama

Oh my God, they made her look like Bush & Hitler!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Do you have Christmas in France? CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS.

Afghan Strategy Will Contain Messages to Several Audiences Be everything to everyone: A Winning Strategy!

I have noticed fewer speeches from him & Biden.

G.M. Says It Won't Close Plants in Germany
They'll close them here first!

Mayor Says Student Scores Will Factor Into Teacher Tenure
Maybe his job should be secured by parental involvement as well.

ObamaCare = Waterboarding.

IAEA chief: Iran must accept nuclear proposal
a tersly written rebuke is shortly forthcoming!

Iran seeks to quiet critic inside ruling system
Nothing works like a little tongue removal!

Iran clerics start taking control of schools
Iran, NEA...What's the diff?

Is the Senate Health Care Bill Better Off Dead?

I thinks it's more like "Death of a Salesman".

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Mom, Dad...Obama didn't pay my rent!

France shows off cutting-edge navy ship in Russia
It has a state-of-the-art surrender flag.

Goodbye jobs, hello mom and dad, say young adults
Why don't they move in with Obama? They voted for this!

China executes 2 for role in tainted milk scandal
PETA is not going to like this. Cows are people too!

Afghan AG's office says 15 ministers being probed
Be gentle. They may still be virgins.

Teensy Chameleon Is New Species
Spontaneous evolution...Darwin was right!

Buffalo Ships USB 3.0 Hard Drive
Evolution is obviously working for bison.

Icebergs head from Antarctica for New Zealand

Maybe they're committing suicide over global warming.

Today's Highlight in History:

On Nov. 24, 1859, British naturalist Charles Darwin published "On the Origin of Species," which explained his theory of evolution by means of natural selection.
He has been quietly evolving underground since 1882.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Game Day/Kegs 'n' Eggs 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Iraqi lawmakers trying to break election deadlock
Have they considered just beheading the infidels?

AP NewsBreak: China holds, mistreats US geologist
I'm more of a mistreat, and then hold, kind of guy.

Big powers ponder how to punish Iran for nukes
Maybe Obama could apologize
for us overreacting on the whole "hostage" thing. That'll show em'!

Utah teen to challenge citation for McDonald's rap
I guess nothing rhymes with Filet-O-Fish.

Geithner urges prompt action on financial overhaul
Before he has to pay taxes.

Experts say radical measures won't stop swine flu
Since when do "experts" know about effective pig sex?

Geithner Rejects Lawmaker Request He Resign

What, and pay taxes like the little people? NEVER!

Senate girds for historic debate on health bill

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Pacific NW Ninja

Colo. medical pot suppliers will have to pay taxes
DUDE! Is Rastafarian-ism a religion?

Obama: Aim is to put US on path to end Afghan war
Did he just figure this out?

Obama confident in conviction of Sept. 11 suspect
Then why have a trial?

City trying to make sense of brutal gang rape
Exactly how big was this gang?

East Coast states totaling damage from nor'easter
Well, if they win on Wheel of Fortune, it will be with a t & h.

Vaccines on horizon for AIDS, Alzheimer's, herpes
Now who will ask: "Where'd you get that cold sore you old fag?"

Chiefs WR Bowe suspended for drug violation
Depending on the drugs, he was already suspended.

UN: Fight climate change with free condoms
I'm glad retards have a place to work.

Police: Would-be Seattle ninja impaled on fence
This would never happen to a real Seattle Ninja.

Memo to LeBron: MJ is doing fine without your help
Note from LeBron: MJ is dead! Eee Hee Hee JAMON!

Meteor showers in Asia disappoint
Maybe everybody was expecting Meteol Showels.

3 celebs head to 'Dancing With the Stars' final

Where the hell is my backup 'stache!?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Sweet 'n' Short

In Asia, Obama Makes Promises of Change
...and the campaign continues.

Abortion Funding in Health Care Reform Splits Democrats

Sounds painful. Imagine what it does to babies!

Mexico plans big Gulf tourism center near Texas
They should call it 'Mexico'.

Reports: Titans owner makes crude gesture to fans

Since when is "Ticket Prices" called a crude gesture?

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Saturday, November 14, 2009


Obama urges Congress to put off Fort Hood probe
We should go at the same pace as his health-care bill.

Ohio executions back on with 1-drug method
I hope the drug is a sledgehammer.

Judge says seals can stay in California cove

These seals eat the fish that American seals don't want to eat.

FDA finds bits of steel, rubber in Genzyme drugs
The marketing department wanted to call them "Flavo-Chunkz".

Iran sets up Internet crime unit
I sense some liberal hand chopping is close behind.

Iran artists in tug of war with government
I bet it's not about Mohammad in a piss-filled jar.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I got spackle drying!

NC man charged with kidnapping missing 5-year-old
Shouldn't he at least get some credit for finding the kid?

Mo. cops hunt for child abuse clues hidden in jars
The mo, the merrier.

Police: Mike Tyson in scuffle at LA airport
But it's only on Pay-Per-View.

Japan's emperor marks 20th anniversary on throne
He must rike cheese a rot!

Scientists: New dinosaur species found in SAfrica
It's always in the last place you look!

Women face tough choices on abortion coverage
Imagine what the baby must go through!

US adult smoking rate rises slightly

Thank you great leader!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Blog post(mortem)

Pa. man tried scaring cat with lighter, killed mom
Another file from "Shakespeare's Unused Story Ideas".

Man allegedly pushes girlfriend's car into river
ahem, alleged river.

Schools shun Kindle, saying blind can't use it
Then they should ban Driver's Ed too.

Crews search next door to Ohio home with 11 bodies
Doesn't rigor mortis make it hard to get them through the door?

1 dead in Kansas City, Mo., crane accident
Infant Mortality explained.

U.N. says hunger stunts some 200 million children

The danger of hunger stunts.

Study: Lack of health care killed 2,266 U.S. veterans last year
Fortunately, Obama's policies created or saved over 2 million.

Gov't says brown pelicans are endangered no longer
and I say they are delicious once more!

Few Americans make end-of-life wishes known
Unless "Arrgh" counts as an end-of-life wish.

Study: Kidney angioplasty brings risks, no benefit
This Just In: from the ObamaCare Health Panel.

Review: Reports on Pfizer drug studies misleading
This Just In: from the ObamaCare Health Panel.

Obama administration seeks to fix airline industry
Imagine Amtrak with wings!

So, let me get this straight...11/11/09

So, let me get this straight...Obama's health care plan will be written by a committee whose Chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress which hasn't read it, signed by a President who smokes, funded by a Treasury Chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by a Surgeon General who is obese, and financed by a country that is nearly broke. What could possibly go wrong?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

My President is smarter than a thermos.

Ex-Miss California Prejean admits sex tape
To be fair, I will reserve my judgment until I view the tape 30-40 times.

Mutual of Omaha settles 'aha' suit against Winfrey
Take on me!

Obama says it's now Senate's turn on health care
Give the man credit for finally starting to understand the political process!

Navajo Code Talkers to be in NYC Veterans parade
Please don't litter, or he'll cry.

Somali pirates demand $3M for ship with 18 crew
Plus, it has a half bath and they'll help with closing costs!

FBI reassessing past look at Fort Hood suspect
How reassuring!

China sends panda expert to Taiwan to aid breeding
Why don't they just send a horny panda?

Minn. man allegedly assaults worker with backhoe
ahem, an alleged backhoe.

W.Va. man wants relief from flocks of birds
I reckon he could run, run so far away.

Accenture to Add 8,000 Staff in India
Imagine training them all to pronounce "Accenture".

EU objects to Oracle's takeover of Sun
Neo is gonna open up a can o' whoop-ass too.

Obama pressed into role as healer, inevitably
For he is, THE ONE!

Obama says he wants to visit Hiroshima in future
Healer, Time-Traveler, How do he do it!?!

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1917, 41 suffragists were arrested for picketing in front of the White House. END WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE NOW!

In 1975, the ore-hauling ship SS Edmund Fitzgerald and its crew of 29 mysteriously sank during a storm in Lake Superior with the loss of all on board. Except for Gordon Lightfoot.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Brilliant Video 1:32 seconds.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Hey, remember me?

Shuttle astronauts prepare for Texas homecoming
What kind of corsage goes with the spacesuit?

Ark. baby born 9-9-09 has sibling born on 8-8-08
Noah should be so proud!

Pair accused of playing porn DVD at Ark. Wal-Mart
Sometimes baby making needs a little help.

Pair accused of playing porn DVD at Ark. Wal-Mart
Wait, the Ark has a friggin' Wal-mart!?!

No play at US Open because of rain
a US Closed wouldn't have this problem.

Garrison Keillor out of hospital after stroke
I'm no expert but wouldn't being in the hospital help?

'M-A-S-H,' 'Tootsie' writer Larry Gelbart dies
...and the MASH Curse continues.

White House stiffens against illegal immigrants
The last time I heard "White House Stiffens" involved a gal named Monica.

3 guilty pleas expected in Mo. in dogfighting case
Enough with the dogfighting slang. The word is More!

Russia: Officials say 7 die in Caucasus violence
Caucasian against Caucasian violence must stop!

Obama accepts lawmaker's apology for floor remark
Did Obama apologize for calling his critics liars from the podium?

Friday, September 4, 2009


SEPTEMBER 3, 2009, 10:55 P.M. ET

A Doctor's Plan for Legal Industry Reform

My modest proposal to rearrange how lawyers do business.

Since we are moving toward socialism with ObamaCare, the time has come to do the same with other professions—especially lawyers. Physician committees can decide whether lawyers are necessary in any given situation.

At a town-hall meeting in Portsmouth, N.H., last month, our uninformed lawyer in chief suggested that we physicians would rather chop off a foot than manage diabetes since we would make more money doing surgery. Then President Obama compounded his attack by claiming a doctor's reimbursement is between "$30,000" and "$50,000" for such amputations! (Actually, such surgery costs only about $1,500.)

Physicians have never been so insulted. Because of these affronts, I will gladly volunteer for the important duty of controlling and regulating lawyers. Since most of what lawyers do is repetitive boilerplate or pushing paper, physicians would have no problem dictating what is appropriate for attorneys. We physicians know much more about legal practice than lawyers do about medicine.

Following are highlights of a proposed bill authorizing the dismantling of the current framework of law practice and instituting socialized legal care:

Contingency fees will be discouraged, and eventually outlawed, over a five-year period. This will put legal rewards back into the pockets of the deserving—the public and the aggrieved parties. Slick lawyers taking their "cut" smacks of a bookie operation. Attorneys will be permitted to keep up to 3% in contingency cases, the remainder going into a pool for poor people.

Legal "DRGs." Each potential legal situation will be assigned a relative value, and charges limited to this amount. Program participation and acceptance of this amount is mandatory, regardless of the number of hours spent on the matter. Government schedules of flat fees for each service, analogous to medicine's Diagnosis Related Groups (DRGs), will be issued. For example, any divorce will have a set fee of, say, $1,000, regardless of its simplicity or complexity. This will eliminate shady hourly billing. Niggling fees such as $2 per page photocopied or faxed would disappear. Who else nickels-and-dimes you while at the same time charging hundreds of dollars per hour? I'm surprised lawyers don't tack shipping and handling onto their bills.

Legal "death panels." Over 75? You will not be entitled to legal care for any matter. Why waste money on those who are only going to die soon? We can decrease utilization, save money and unclog the courts simultaneously. Grandma, you're on your own.

Ration legal care. One may need to wait months to consult an attorney. Despite a perceived legal need, physician review panels or government bureaucrats may deem advice unnecessary. Possibly one may not get representation before court dates or deadlines. But that' s tough: What do you want for "free"?

Physician controlled legal review. This is potentially the most exciting reform, with doctors leading committees for determining the necessity of all legal procedures and the fairness of attorney fees. What a wonderful way for doctors to get even with the sharks attempting to eviscerate the practice of medicine.

Discourage/eliminate specialization. Legal specialists with extra training and experience charge more money, contributing to increased costs of legal care, making it unaffordable for many. This reform will guarantee a selection of mediocre, unmotivated attorneys but should help slow rising legal costs. Big shot under indictment? Classified National Archives documents down your pants? Sitting president defending against impeachment? Have FBI agents found $90,000 in your freezer? Too bad. Under reform you too may have to go to the government legal shop for advice.

Electronic legal records. We should enter the digital age and computerize and centralize legal records nationwide. All files must be in a standard, preferably inconvenient, format and must be available to government agencies. A single database of judgments, court records, client files, etc. will decrease legal expenses. Anyone with Internet access will be able to search the database, eliminating unjustifiable fees charged by law firms for supposedly proprietary information, while fostering transparency. It will enable consumers to dump their clunker attorneys and transfer records easily.

Ban legal advertisements. Catchy phone numbers such as 1-800-LAWYERS would be seized by the government and repurposed for reporting unscrupulous attorneys.

New government oversight. Government overhead to manage the legal system will include a cabinet secretary, commissioners, ombudsmen, auditors, assistants, czars and departments.

Collect data about the supply of and demand for attorneys.Create a commission to study the diversity and geographic distribution of attorneys, with power to stipulate and enforce corrective actions to right imbalances. The more bureaucracy the better. One can never have too many eyes watching these sleazy sneaks.

Lawyer Reduction Act (H.R. -3200). A self-explanatory bill that not only decreases the number of law students, but also arbitrarily removes 3,200 attorneys from practice each year. Textbook addition by subtraction.

Enthusiastically embracing the above legal changes can serve as a "teachable moment" and will go a long way toward giving the lawyers who run Congress a taste of their own medicine.

Dr. Rafal is a radiologist in New York City.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I predict...9.2.09.

I predict that Hillary Clinton will resign her post before December 31, 2010.
She will claim an inability to create effective and meaningful change within a flawed administration. Shortly thereafter, she will announce her candidacy for President.

Teddy's Funeral

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

4 Tickets

I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) event at the Ford Center next weekend in Beaumont, Texas, if anybody wants them.

He's going to try to jump 1,000 Obama supporters with a bulldozer.

Should be a good time.

Check out Guy Wire

Monday, August 17, 2009

Barack Chester Obama

Former Gov. Dean calls public option indispensable
"Grandma, on the other hand..."

Obama birthplace flap evokes Chester Arthur debate
If I read this right, did Chester Arthur boink Obama's mama?!

Kiss to release new album at Wal-Mart, Sam's Club
If they do it on a Saturday, you can sample cheesesticks too!

Gay marriage supporters tangle over legal strategy

Liberals complain over Obama concession
Shhh. You had me at 'Liberals Complain'.

AP source: Immigration a topic at White House
Even they are curious about the birth certificate!

Man carrying assault weapon attends Obama protest
Misleading Headline #1

In the Grip of Indecision
Indeed! Maybe.


To quote Mr. Obama: It will give Americans “a better range of choices, make the health care market more competitive, and keep the insurance companies honest.”

To quote me: It will give Americans a better range of choices, make the education market more competitive, and keep the public schools honest.

For some reason, I don't expect the president to get behind this type of competition with much vigor, as he uses 'free' schools for his children's education about as much as he uses 'free' clinics for their health care.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Hot Blog

Florida inmates make, sell their own hot sauce
I'm gonna pass on this.

Birthplace of Roman emperor found in Italy
It's always in the last place you look!

Dogs and 2-Year-Olds on Same Mental Plane
This could be a good time to market my ToddlerCage

Crawl-away tortoise found alive and well three streets from home
He was giving his friend, the snail, the ride of his life!

Cash-strapped Cuba says toilet paper running short
Just a thought; stop using your cash as toilet paper.

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1792, during the French Revolution, mobs in Paris attacked the Tuileries Palace, where King Louis XVI resided. (The king was later arrested, put on trial for treason, and executed the following January.) They weren't mobs, they were well dressed republicans.