GIRD!

Iraqi lawmakers trying to break election deadlock
Have they considered just beheading the infidels?

AP NewsBreak: China holds, mistreats US geologist
I'm more of a mistreat, and then hold, kind of guy.

Big powers ponder how to punish Iran for nukes
Maybe Obama could apologize for us overreacting on the whole "hostage" thing. That'll show em'!

Utah teen to challenge citation for McDonald's rap
I guess nothing rhymes with Filet-O-Fish. WORD!

Geithner urges prompt action on financial overhaul
Before he has to pay taxes.

Experts say radical measures won't stop swine flu
Since when do "experts" know about effective pig sex?

Geithner Rejects Lawmaker Request He Resign
What, and pay taxes like the little people? NEVER!

Senate girds for historic debate on health bill
GIRD YOUR LOINS!