Rachel Maddow made the top 11!

CABLE NEWS RACE - TUES., JAN., 26, 2010

1. FOXNEWS O'REILLY 3,581,000
2. FOXNEWS BECK 3,196,000
3. FOXNEWS HANNITY 3,133,000
4. FOXNEWS BAIER 2,624,000
5. FOXNEWS GRETA 2,415,000
6. FOXNEWS SHEP 2,187,000
7. CNNHN BEHAR 949,000
8. CNNHN GRACE 914,000
9. MSNBC OLBERMANN 818,000
10. CNN KING 796,000
11. MSNBC MADDOW 726,000

Chris Matthews goes off the deep end, again.

He's so clean & articulate!

Hexadecaroons are people too!

Fla. manatees die in record numbers from cold
The evolutionary path to the Woolly Manatee!

Cleveland to raze buildings near site of blast
This just in from the Redundancy Dept. of Redundancy.

Feds close case vs. W.Va. congressman; no charges
Apparently no political affiliation either.

Grenade launcher, maps seized after man's arrest
How in the hell do you drive to a grenade Launcher?

Abortion shooting case keeps focus on details
Must have taken a sniper to shoot past the cervix.

Should the Census Offer 'Negro' as an Identity Option?
Maybe they should ask the Octoroons.

Siblings Clash on Who Takes Care of Elderly Parents
You dammit! NO, YOU!

Did the WHO Exaggerate the H1N1 Flu Pandemic's Danger?
Won't Get Fooled Again.

A Trend?

A State Senator runs for and wins a U.S. Senatorial seat and then two years later becomes U.S. President. If things continue in this direction, Scott Brown should be hearing from the Nobel Peace Prize committee pretty soon!

Massachussetts 2010

It's like 59 Senators waking up between Michael Moore & Rosie O'Donnell after an all-nite bender. Good Morning!

Rackruster!

Obama promises all-out relief effort in Haiti
Universal Health Care!

Iraq's 'Chemical Ali' gets 4th death sentence
Certainly one of them will succeed.

Asian stocks lackluster ahead of more US earnings
Rackruster!

Democrats May Seek to Push Health Bill Through House
Op-Ed: Iraq’s Ban on Democracy
Monkey see, monkey do!

W.Va. To Launch Online Textbook Pilot In Fall
Whoa there West Virginia. Babysteps.

Past Decade Warmest Ever, NASA Data Shows
It also shows that 9/11/was an inside job.

U.S. Offers Pakistan Drones to Urge Cooperation
I thought Secretary Clinton was in Haiti.

SingleTijuanaDrugLord.com

7.0 Quake Hits Impoverished Haiti
Fortunately, the nice part was spared.


Scheduled weeks ago, 'African Americans for Harry Reid' will go on as planned Maybe it's because he's "light-skinned with no negro dialect, unless he want's to have one."

Biographical data on alleged Tijuana drug lord
He likes Jackie Chan movies & taking long walks on the beach.

STIMULUS WATCH: White House changes job-count rule
This time they're playing for keepsies!

Labor angry over Obama-backed insurance tax
Looks like someone forgot the "reach-around".

Clinton seeks answer to sticky dispute with Japan
Does she have a brue dless?

Study: Youth now have more mental health issues
Obama Remorse Syndrome?

Doomsday Clock to Change This Week
Unless you support ObamaCare!

Watching hours of TV daily could shorten your life
I saw this on 60 Minutes.

WSJ Hat Trick

All three headline critiques were published on the same day in Wall Street Journal Online. My mother would be so proud, if only she could read!

Who Knew Michael Moore Could Sing?
"1-Ton Fake Pig Delivers Michigan Birthday Greeting"--headline, Chicago Tribune, Jan. 6

But Not the Daytime Emmys
"Vampires Rule People's Choice Awards"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 7

Our Advice: Run for Your Life!

• "Advice for the Unknown Lottery Winner"--headline, Puffington Host, Dec. 28
• "Fla. Sheriff Fears Missing Lottery Winner Killed"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 6
• "UK Police Probe Death of Young Lottery Winner"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 7

Arregedry

Man arrested in connection with deadly Mass. fire
This finally answers the question: "What happens when you rub two alter boys together?"

Will Profiling Passengers Work?
Where. At the racist factory?

Anti-whaling boat damaged during protest at sea
Sounds like Anti-Evolution to me!

Abrupt Democratic retirements show tough landscape
When the going gets tough, the Democrats leave.

Baltimore mayor to resign in plea deal over gift cards
She must be an Independent, as no party affiliation was mentioned.

Gilbert Arenas indefinitely suspended by NBA
Near Balls Area? That seems harsh.

Reports: Jay Leno's future on NBC up in the air
Whatever NBC is, I bet suspension by it is painful.

UK police probe death of young lottery winner
Fla. sheriff fears missing lottery winner killed
Advice for the Unknown Lottery Winner
How about, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Comments by Fox's Brit Hume upset some Buddhists
Yeah. What about the constitutional separation of church and cable?

Vampires rule People's Choice Awards
You ever notice that there are no vampires at the Daytime Emmy's?

Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep on tap for SAG Awards
Streep will win, but Alec's Moobs should get an A for effort.

Frigid weather hits Midwest, -52 wind chill in ND
Al Gore could not be reached for comment.

Activists pursue Japanese whalers by helicopter
Nice use of fossil fuels!

US complains of Pakistan harassment of diplomats
Hear that Pakistan? CUT IT OUT!

Gaza militants fire mortars, Israel shuts crossing
Just wait till they start shooting bricks!

Experts: Cold snap doesn't disprove global warming
Trust us, we're experts.

4-legged animals emerged earlier than thought
So, I was thinki...oh look, a squirrel!

1-ton fake pig delivers Michigan birthday greeting
Michael Moore can sing?!

December retail sales show signs of life
Um, A little too late folks. It's January!

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1927, the Harlem Globtrotters were established. I wonder if they ever profiled during tryouts?

In 1942, the Japanese siege of Bataan began during World War II. Allegedly.

Obama at rest.

Confusion in Europe after US demands more security
Sure they're confused. They've always been bleating for more security from us!

Daughter of Jets Owner Dies 3 minutes ago
Now that's on the spot reporting!

Obama golfs, visits zoo on last day in Hawaii
"Obama 'Will Not Rest' Until Healthcare Reformed"*-- May 11
"Obama: 'I Will Not Rest' Until Businesses Are Hiring"*-- Nov. 23
"Obama Says 'We Will Not Rest' Until Plotters Found"*-- Dec. 28
*or I can get a tee-time near a zoo!

Americans' job satisfaction falls to record low
Really, because I am pleased as punch to be employed!

Dems intend to bypass GOP on health compromise
This just in from: All of last year.

Spotty enforcement for new US air screening rules
WHAT!?

You Right up my Blog.

2010 situation grows more difficult for Democrats
The way they're F*ing things up, it's growing more difficult for everybody!

Obama cites apparent al-Qaida link in bomb plot
Yeah right. Next thing you'll tell me is they were found in Iraq!

Elton John says he's helping Eminem fight drugs
Let me guess, Oral Sex-Therapy?

'You Light Up My Life' songwriter settles lawsuit
I still think there should be some jail time.