A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.

New York to Back Same-Sex Unions From Elsewhere
I always Thought That The AFL-CIO Was a Little Light in the Loafers.

A Tiny Fruit That Tricks the Tongue can finally move to GLORIOUS Manhattan!

Natural Gas in Pause Mode
That's just the Beano® kicking in.

Monkeys Control a Robot Arm With Their Thoughts
I always dreamed of the day when a chimp could eat a banana and
fling poo at the same time.

Florida and Michigan May See Delegates Halved
Dibs on the first cut!

Moose Gain Ground but Keep a Low Profile
Ve must get Squirrel first!

Sect Mothers Say Separation Endangers Children
Speaking of Separation; what about Church & State?

Chancellor Talks of Cuts for Schools, Amid Hissing
They must be planning to ban Riki Tiki Tavi.

Twin, separated at birth, sues for mix-up
Now that's what I call precocious!

NYC Health Department: Mice at Met Opera
Call Disney: I Have A Movie To Pitch!

Researchers: City residents produce less carbon
"Exhaling is for Hillbillies!"