I'll take BLOG for $200, Alex.

Obama to expand Bush's faith based programs
But it's OK this time, because IT'S OBAMA!

Nebraska company recalls beef linked to central Ohio E. coli outbreak
"ah yes, I remember it well. The diarrhea was horrific!"

Earth's Cries Recorded in Space
it's just Al Gore moaning

Lawyer says family 'outraged' over inmate's death
so is the family of the Officer he killed.

Study: World Gets Happier
I blame George W. Bush.

Clark: Obama had no part in McCain comments
Obama is surrounded by pussies.

Surprising fact: Half of gun deaths are suicides
But all of Suicide Bombings are Homicides

Heath Ledger's hometown to name theater after him
'The Overvalued Junkie' has a nice ring to it.

Tavira, one-handed violinist, dies at 84
In honor, I will perform my one-handed clap.

Beijing Boasts Stunning New Buildings
They withstand earthquake, unrike sirry schoolhouses!

Richard Branson plans Caribbean eco-resort
Call Chuck Norris, I have an Eco-Disaster movie to pitch!

AP Interview: Ex-Intel head pushes electric cars
I would use it to stop them from rolling.

Jolie goes into French hospital for birth of twins
She sould name them Surrender & Monkey.