The Loch Ness Blogger

FIFA to re-examine technology after mistakes
This could redefine everything we know about whistle technology.

Mass. official aims to shame library porn viewers
Immediately after Bingo Night at St. Christpher's.

Camo-wearing bowhunters marry in tree in Iowa
Onlookers were heard to ask, “Why is that priest talking to himself up in that tree?”

Scientists say test could predict menopause
The response to “Are you still on the rag?” determines a positive/negative outcome.

Does Reality TV Misrepresent Black Women?
Sho' nuff that's right!

Benefits running out for jobless
Being jobless has benefits?

Some 70,000 turtle eggs to be whisked far from oil

Proof that liberals don't trust evolution!

Calif. woman says Chihuahua died saving her kids
"They were hungry and it was snack time!

After 25 years, CNN seeks Larry King's replacement
About time. They've been replacing parts of him for years!

No condoms for grade schoolers, Mass. schools say
I don't remember Sunday school being so risky.

Some 70,000 turtle eggs to be whisked far from oil
You don't want to add the oil until you are ready to cook the omelet.

Police to release review of Gates arrest in Mass.
You are forgiven and have the right to remain silent!

I vote for the blog before I voted against the blog.

Navy to allow women to serve on submarines
Insert semen joke: Here.

Mass. Cape Wind gets thumbs up, thumbs down
Sounds like a classic John Kerry vote.

'This is Alabama; we speak English,' governor candidate says
Confarnit, I reckon they do!

Woman bites man after being called fat
ahem, fat and hungry.

Pent-Up Blogger

Boxer Edwin Valero found dead in jail
Better than a Jailer found in a box.

At 40, Lopez balances motherhood, marriage, movies

and giant ass.

Official: Kyrgyz president leaves Kazakhstan
I bet he was going to his spelling lesson.

Cuba's Catholic cardinal says country in crisis
Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letter C.

Carolyn Rodgers, Poet, Is Dead at 69
This doesn't even rhyme.

Bill Clinton: The Lessons of Oklahoma City
Decent food, Crappy Airport & Blow Jobs are only $13

Polish President Is Buried in Krakow
I don't get it.

Palm Loses Executive, Retailer
But it will always have your wiener.

Blueberry Extract Slows Tumors in Mice
and taught Violet Beauregarde a very important lesson.

Revisiting the Suicide Doctor
ahem, "Unsuccessful Suicide Doctor". I'm just sayin'!

Schools Put Emphasis on Ethics
Oh, did they fire their Union?

Favorite WSJ Online Post of the Day. 3.29.10

Two Papers in One!

"Seizing the opportunity presented by the Congressional holiday break, Mr. Bush announced 17 recess appointments--a constitutional gimmick that allows a president to appoint someone when Congress is in recess to a job that normally requires Senate approval. . . . Modern presidents have employed this power to place nominees who ran into political trouble in the Senate. Presidents Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton made scores of recess appointments. But both of them faced a Congress controlled by the opposition party, while the Senate has been under Republican control for Mr. Bush's entire five years in office."--editorial, New York Times, Jan. 9, 2006

""--New York Times editorials commenting on President Obama's Saturday announcement of 15 recess appointments, quoted in full as of March 29, 2010

Favorite Facebook Thread of the day 3.29.10

Copeland Winthorp Hennesy At work two days ago, a co-worker of mine was claiming that Obama is the anti-christ. And she was dead serious. I almost went ballistic but instead tolder that statement was ridiculous and that she was severly misguided. Man people are fucking nuts.
Sat at 10:49am · Comment ·LikeUnlike

Jason Price Dude...who was that?
Sat at 11:07am

Copeland Winthorp Hennesy Lori D****y (name removed to protect non-participants)
Sat at 11:36am

Jason Price Ha! Thats cute.
Sat at 11:38am

Peter Nichols I thought Obama was the Anti-Buddha. I am so confused!
Sat at 12:46pm ·

Martin Baba Here's the straight dope. B. Hussein Obama is the Anti-Christ. There is irrefutable PROOF on the website link below:http://o.bamapost.com/Our only hope is prayer, God and the upcoming mid-term elections (provided that Obama doesn't declare martial law and declare himself dictator for life).
Sat at 2:45pm

Evan Morris dat's nucking futz!
Sat at 8:32pm

Beth Bee Republicans are the worst man!!
2 hours ago

Peter Nichols What does this have to do with Republicans?
about an hour ago ·

Jason Price you tolder.
about an hour ago

Peter Nichols “The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it to be always kept alive. It will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all. I like a little rebellion now and then.” - Thomas Jefferson
about an hour ago ·

Jason Price What does this have to do with republicans?http://news.harrisinteractive.com/profiles/investor/ResLibraryView.asp?BzID=1963&ResLibraryID=37050&Category=1777What does Thomas Jefferson and sedition have to do with my cousins original status update?
47 minutes ago

Peter Nichols Granted , your familial status gives you the edge, but I too have an article:http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB10001424052748704094104575143713101937570.html
Take that!
35 minutes ago ·

Peter Nichols As for Thomas Jefferson & sedition. I didin't even know he used his basement for hiding people!
34 minutes ago ·

Jason Price clearly, with what may be true in the article you refered to, you should acknowledge that the people who agree that the president is the Antichrist are delirious. No? John may or may not be my cousin.Some things that you read are not true.... See MoreAssuming that all that is writtin is true, this worry about who the antichrist is or is not is a waste of everyone's time.
25 minutes ago

Peter Nichols Protecting a person's right to say something does not assign agreement with the statement. I once saw a guy link a Thomas Jefferson quote with Sedition. As foolish as it sounded, I believe he had the right to say it.
12 minutes ago ·

Long Live Boner!

Do killer whales belong in theme parks?
They belong on rye bread with some mayonnaise.

Longtime congressman tells NY's Paterson: Drop out
Y'know, do as I say, not as I do.

Cruel winter's latest insult bears down on East
Nothing is more cruel than an Insult Bear.

Jobless claims rise due to weather-related factors
Hurricane Barack

Bush, Cheney meet for first time in more than year
2012

Toyota chief blasted by lawmakers despite apology
Leave him alone, he said "I solly"!

Breaking news: Boner is dead‏
Not if you believe in the second coming.

2.16.10 Prediction:

I don't think Senator Evan Bayh is really retiring from politics. Next stop, Iowa.

Livestock are people too!

Ancient dialect extinct after last speaker dies
His last words were gibberish.

Livestock anti-cruelty language OK'd
Does this mean I can finally call a pig "Mother Fucker"?

Obama says health bill might die
Sounds like another campaign promise.

Fewer airliners crashed in 2009, but more died
I'm waiting to see how the NY Times give credit to Obama and blames Bush too.

Researchers find trigger for narcolepsy: study
That sounds like an interestzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Pelosi: Where Are the Jobs, Mr. President?

Pelosi: Where Are the Jobs, Mr. President?

August 1, 2003 Washington, D.C. -- House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi released the following statement today on the Bureau of Labor Statistics' announcement that 470,000 people abandoned their job searches in July and that 3.2 million private sector jobs have been lost since President Bush took office: “The fact is that President Bush’s misguided economic policies have failed to create jobs. Since President Bush took office, the country has lost 3.2 million jobs, the worst record since President Hoover. And today we learned that in July nearly half a million people gave up looking for a job. “Job losses are taking a real toll on the financial security of American families. While Democrats are fighting for opportunity, jobs, and economic security for working families, Republicans continue to focus on helping those who need help the least. “According to today’s survey, while the national unemployment rate dropped slightly, it still stands at a near record high. In addition, the unemployment rate for African Americans was still over 11 percent in July, and the unemployment rate for Hispanics was 8.2 percent in July. “It is time for President Bush and the Republicans to get to work for all Americans, not just the elite few.” ### http://www.house.gov/pelosi/press/releases/Aug03/prWherearetheJobs080103.html

I Love It!

Rachel Maddow made the top 11!

CABLE NEWS RACE - TUES., JAN., 26, 2010

1. FOXNEWS O'REILLY 3,581,000
2. FOXNEWS BECK 3,196,000
3. FOXNEWS HANNITY 3,133,000
4. FOXNEWS BAIER 2,624,000
5. FOXNEWS GRETA 2,415,000
6. FOXNEWS SHEP 2,187,000
7. CNNHN BEHAR 949,000
8. CNNHN GRACE 914,000
9. MSNBC OLBERMANN 818,000
10. CNN KING 796,000
11. MSNBC MADDOW 726,000

Chris Matthews goes off the deep end, again.

He's so clean & articulate!

Hexadecaroons are people too!

Fla. manatees die in record numbers from cold
The evolutionary path to the Woolly Manatee!

Cleveland to raze buildings near site of blast
This just in from the Redundancy Dept. of Redundancy.

Feds close case vs. W.Va. congressman; no charges
Apparently no political affiliation either.

Grenade launcher, maps seized after man's arrest
How in the hell do you drive to a grenade Launcher?

Abortion shooting case keeps focus on details
Must have taken a sniper to shoot past the cervix.

Should the Census Offer 'Negro' as an Identity Option?
Maybe they should ask the Octoroons.

Siblings Clash on Who Takes Care of Elderly Parents
You dammit! NO, YOU!

Did the WHO Exaggerate the H1N1 Flu Pandemic's Danger?
Won't Get Fooled Again.

A Trend?

A State Senator runs for and wins a U.S. Senatorial seat and then two years later becomes U.S. President. If things continue in this direction, Scott Brown should be hearing from the Nobel Peace Prize committee pretty soon!

Massachussetts 2010

It's like 59 Senators waking up between Michael Moore & Rosie O'Donnell after an all-nite bender. Good Morning!

Rackruster!

Obama promises all-out relief effort in Haiti
Universal Health Care!

Iraq's 'Chemical Ali' gets 4th death sentence
Certainly one of them will succeed.

Asian stocks lackluster ahead of more US earnings
Rackruster!

Democrats May Seek to Push Health Bill Through House
Op-Ed: Iraq’s Ban on Democracy
Monkey see, monkey do!

W.Va. To Launch Online Textbook Pilot In Fall
Whoa there West Virginia. Babysteps.

Past Decade Warmest Ever, NASA Data Shows
It also shows that 9/11/was an inside job.

U.S. Offers Pakistan Drones to Urge Cooperation
I thought Secretary Clinton was in Haiti.

SingleTijuanaDrugLord.com

7.0 Quake Hits Impoverished Haiti
Fortunately, the nice part was spared.


Scheduled weeks ago, 'African Americans for Harry Reid' will go on as planned Maybe it's because he's "light-skinned with no negro dialect, unless he want's to have one."

Biographical data on alleged Tijuana drug lord
He likes Jackie Chan movies & taking long walks on the beach.

STIMULUS WATCH: White House changes job-count rule
This time they're playing for keepsies!

Labor angry over Obama-backed insurance tax
Looks like someone forgot the "reach-around".

Clinton seeks answer to sticky dispute with Japan
Does she have a brue dless?

Study: Youth now have more mental health issues
Obama Remorse Syndrome?

Doomsday Clock to Change This Week
Unless you support ObamaCare!

Watching hours of TV daily could shorten your life
I saw this on 60 Minutes.

WSJ Hat Trick

All three headline critiques were published on the same day in Wall Street Journal Online. My mother would be so proud, if only she could read!

Who Knew Michael Moore Could Sing?
"1-Ton Fake Pig Delivers Michigan Birthday Greeting"--headline, Chicago Tribune, Jan. 6

But Not the Daytime Emmys
"Vampires Rule People's Choice Awards"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 7

Our Advice: Run for Your Life!

• "Advice for the Unknown Lottery Winner"--headline, Puffington Host, Dec. 28
• "Fla. Sheriff Fears Missing Lottery Winner Killed"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 6
• "UK Police Probe Death of Young Lottery Winner"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 7

Arregedry

Man arrested in connection with deadly Mass. fire
This finally answers the question: "What happens when you rub two alter boys together?"

Will Profiling Passengers Work?
Where. At the racist factory?

Anti-whaling boat damaged during protest at sea
Sounds like Anti-Evolution to me!

Abrupt Democratic retirements show tough landscape
When the going gets tough, the Democrats leave.

Baltimore mayor to resign in plea deal over gift cards
She must be an Independent, as no party affiliation was mentioned.

Gilbert Arenas indefinitely suspended by NBA
Near Balls Area? That seems harsh.

Reports: Jay Leno's future on NBC up in the air
Whatever NBC is, I bet suspension by it is painful.

UK police probe death of young lottery winner
Fla. sheriff fears missing lottery winner killed
Advice for the Unknown Lottery Winner
How about, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Comments by Fox's Brit Hume upset some Buddhists
Yeah. What about the constitutional separation of church and cable?

Vampires rule People's Choice Awards
You ever notice that there are no vampires at the Daytime Emmy's?

Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep on tap for SAG Awards
Streep will win, but Alec's Moobs should get an A for effort.

Frigid weather hits Midwest, -52 wind chill in ND
Al Gore could not be reached for comment.

Activists pursue Japanese whalers by helicopter
Nice use of fossil fuels!

US complains of Pakistan harassment of diplomats
Hear that Pakistan? CUT IT OUT!

Gaza militants fire mortars, Israel shuts crossing
Just wait till they start shooting bricks!

Experts: Cold snap doesn't disprove global warming
Trust us, we're experts.

4-legged animals emerged earlier than thought
So, I was thinki...oh look, a squirrel!

1-ton fake pig delivers Michigan birthday greeting
Michael Moore can sing?!

December retail sales show signs of life
Um, A little too late folks. It's January!

Today's Highlight in History:

In 1927, the Harlem Globtrotters were established. I wonder if they ever profiled during tryouts?

In 1942, the Japanese siege of Bataan began during World War II. Allegedly.

Obama at rest.

Confusion in Europe after US demands more security
Sure they're confused. They've always been bleating for more security from us!

Daughter of Jets Owner Dies 3 minutes ago
Now that's on the spot reporting!

Obama golfs, visits zoo on last day in Hawaii
"Obama 'Will Not Rest' Until Healthcare Reformed"*-- May 11
"Obama: 'I Will Not Rest' Until Businesses Are Hiring"*-- Nov. 23
"Obama Says 'We Will Not Rest' Until Plotters Found"*-- Dec. 28
*or I can get a tee-time near a zoo!

Americans' job satisfaction falls to record low
Really, because I am pleased as punch to be employed!

Dems intend to bypass GOP on health compromise
This just in from: All of last year.

Spotty enforcement for new US air screening rules
WHAT!?

You Right up my Blog.

2010 situation grows more difficult for Democrats
The way they're F*ing things up, it's growing more difficult for everybody!

Obama cites apparent al-Qaida link in bomb plot
Yeah right. Next thing you'll tell me is they were found in Iraq!

Elton John says he's helping Eminem fight drugs
Let me guess, Oral Sex-Therapy?

'You Light Up My Life' songwriter settles lawsuit
I still think there should be some jail time.