The Long and Winding Blog

More teens seeking plastic surgery to fit in
Sealing the mouth would be a good start.

Retail sales jump by largest amount in 6 months
I blame George Bush.

Report: Worrisome rise in underweight babies
The people most worried are at Planned Parenthood.

Gaza house blast kills 7; Hamas hints at accident
whoopsie!

Worker dies at chemical weapons plant in Alabama
Maybe he wanted to become a superhero.

Judge in porn tempest has distinguished career
Someday, I would like to judge a porn tempest.

Obama site confronts rumors
allegedly, he is not Sasquatch.

Analysis: Obama feels way in handling advisers
this is when Bill Clinton could really come in handy.

Oil prices drop as dollar strengthens
Damn You George W. Bush!

China denies hacking into US computers
Don't be sirry!

Study: Marijuana potency increases in 2007
and Chicken McNugget sales are through the roof!

Memoir coming from Madonna's brother
I was unaware that Jesus even had an uncle.

Continental cuts to hit Cleveland and Houston
You'd think this would affect the edges first.

Tiger Woods is 5 shots off pace at US Open
Don't forget that he's blindfolded and one arm is tied behind his back.